A sigh, fine-drawn as the accidental rent in an unfinished skirt, escaped the hirsute stitcher: a melancholy reflection upon the infinite deal of nothing in his various pockets, and the slow revolving of the Brixton wheel in stern perspective, wrung from the quodded wretch a slow assent: Sir Peter sent a City officer with his warrant to secure the nearest barber: a few sharp clickings of the envious shears--and all was over! Crime fell from the shoulders of the quondam culprit, and the tonsorial innocent stood forth confessed! Sir Peter was entranced. That was his doing! He gazed with pride upon the new absolved from sin. He asked, "Are you not more comfortable?" All vice had gone, save one--the young man answered "Yes," and _lied_. "Then, sir, go home." "The barber," muttered "soft Roe" in as soft a voice. "What of him?" "Wants a shillin'." "There it is," exclaimed the Augustine Peter, "there, from my own pocket, paid with pleasure to preserve that youth from the evil influence of too much hair--I'll pay for all the City if they like--and banished suicide, and I'll pretty soon see if I can't settle all the City crops. Prisoner, you are discharged." The young man lost his hair, the Queen five shillings, and Sir Peter one; but then he gained his end,--and docking must henceforth be looked upon as the treadmill's antidote, and young man's fines' best friend. We therefore say, should the iniquity of your long locks, gentle reader, take you to the station (for, remember, Sir Peter says, _Long hair will do anything_), if you can't find bail, secure a barber, and command your liberation. We have been speculating of these externally-illustrated grades of crime; we think the following nearly correct:-- The long and lank indicates larceny (petty and otherwise). The bushy and bountiful--burglary. The full and flowing--felony. The magnificent and mysterious--murder. And, for aught we know, pigtails--polygamy. For the future, a thinking man's motto will be, not to mind "his own eye," but everybody else's hair. P.S. We have just received the following horrifying communication which establishes Sir Peter's opinion, "that a man with such hair would do anything," but unfortunately disproves the remedy, as those atrocities have been committed when he was without.