"Then do you not think he pushed the old man into the sausage-machine?" "If he did, it must have been either accidentally, or to win a wager, or perhaps as practical joke. That he would do anything open to censure at the hands of the severest moralist, is absolutely incredible. Why, he is a Loamshire man!" "So I have heard; and, now, Mr. CHOSE, as I see that you have finished your breakfast, I will put to you a purely personal question. Is it true that you poisoned your grandmother, drowned your uncle, stifled your niece, and hanged your brother-in-law?" The Arctic Explorer pulled angrily at his moustache, and said something about the reports to which I referred being exaggerated. "And may I take it that you have never been in gaol for picking pockets? And when it is said that you were turned out of a Club for cheating at cards--" But at this point I was assisted to take my leave with so much abruptness, that I was forced to leave my last question but partially formulated. On finding myself once more in the street, I noticed that I was reclining in the gutter, bare-headed. A little later, however, my hat was thrown after me. * * * * * PICTORIAL NOTE TO HAMLET. [Illustration: HAMLET AS HE REALLY OUGHT TO BE, ACCORDING TO SHAKSPEARE.] "O that this too too solid flesh would melt!" _Note_.--Shakespeare was the originator of the aesthetic expression "Too, too." [Illustration: _Queen_. "He's fat, and scant of breath,<br /> Here, Hamlet, take my napkin, rub thy brows."] * * * * * POLITICS UP TO DATE. (_SPECIMEN LEADER FROM AN IRISH PAPER IN A CHRONIC STATE OF REVOLUTION._) WEDNESDAY, 9 A.M.--We appear this morning awaiting the future with confidence and hope. So far, we have been able to conduct this journal on patriotic lines. We have denounced the Leader of the Party as the enemy of his country, and have applauded his opponents as the saviours of society. But we cannot conceal from ourselves that the time may arrive when this policy may be reversed. The hour may come-- 10 A.M.--It has! We have much pleasure in informing our readers that, after a vigorous fight (honourable to all who took part in it), we have conquered. This paper is in our hands, and henceforward we shall support, to the best of our ability, the Leader of the Party, and denounce the infamous pretensions of his opponents; still, it would be unwise to ignore the possibilities of the future. We may be overpowered by a tyrannical majority. The time may come-- 11 A.M.--It has! Hurroo! It was hard fighting to get back; but here we are again, ready to denounce the leader, and support his opponents. For the moment we are victorious, but who shall prophesy what may be looming in the distant ages? The hour may come--