_Chairman_ (_sympathetically_). Dear me! Very sad! But come, my lad, we have given you something more than an ordinary commercial education--you have acquired accomplishments. _Witness_. Yes, my Lord and Gentlemen; but, believe me, they are valueless. I am an excellent violinist, but there is no room for me at the theatres. It is true I might, by paying my footing, secure a place in a strolling band, consisting of a harp and a cornet, but I have conscientious scruples against earnings gained at the doors of a public-house. _Chairman_. Certainly. Besides, I fancy you make too light of the difficulties of securing such a position. A Witness, who gave very much the same evidence as yourself, declared it was impossible to gain admission even to a German Band. But you have learned drawing? _Witness_. Yes; but I find the accomplishment valueless as a bread-winner. I would do pastels on the flag-stones were not the supply of artists in this particular line greatly in excess of the demand. Besides, the police move them on. _Chairman_. Well, my lad, what can you do for yourself? _Witness_. Nothing; and consequently, my Lord and Gentlemen, I hope you will do something for me. _Chairman_ (_after consultation with his colleagues_). As you have been educated up to a point rendering you valueless at fourteen, we shall have much pleasure in recommending that your studies be continued until your education will be equally valueless at nineteen. If this scheme does nothing else, it will keep you employed for the next five years! [_Scene closes in upon the Report._ * * * * * [Illustration: A SCIENTIFIC CENTENARY.] _Faraday_ (_returned_). "WELL, MISS SCIENCE, I HEARTILY CONGRATULATE YOU; YOU HAVE MADE MARVELLOUS PROGRESS SINCE MY TIME!"] * * * * * ORATORIO, AS HANDLED AT THE C.P. The Tenth Triennial Handel Festival. Programme extends over three days, Monday, to-day the 24th, and Friday the 26th. The singers are Madame ALBANI, Miss MARIAN MCKENZIE, Messrs. SANTLEY, EDWARD LLOYD, BARTON MCGUCKIN, BRIDSON, and BRERETON--the last pair seeming to come in like the "two pretty men" of nursery history, 'yclept "ROBIN and RICHARD." The great organ cannot be played without EYRE and bellows. The Conductor to the musical omnibus is AUGUST MANNS, or more appropriately, JUNE MANNS. _Motto_.--"MANNS wants but little here below, but he wants that uncommonly good"--and more than good it is safe to be in the hands of the Conductor whose name is indicative of quantity and quality. _Salvete, Homines!_ * * * * * OUR BOOKING-OFFICE.