You have not to "sprint" o'er some acres of grass, To "slog" or to scamper, to "scrummage" or "pass," At the risk of your ribs, or "rheumatics"; You have not to treat your opponents like foes, Or "go for" your rival's shin-bone or his nose, As do the aforesaid fanatics. But how pleasant the "green" in the cool of the day, The tankard of stingo, the yard of white clay, And the play and the chaff of good fellows! Although not a betting man howls out the odds, And no ring of mad backers--like gallery "gods"--- About us insensately bellows. Yes, PAYN, the "crank in," and the "kiss of the Jack," _All_--save, as you say, that darned bend in the back-- About the old game is delightful. We thank you for "trolling the bowl" once again, Ah! it were a pleasure to play it with PAYN-- (By Jove, though--that loin-twinge was frightful!) * * * * * A THEATRICAL PLUNGE; OR, TAKING A HEDDA. A plunge indeed! but fortunately the swimmers are strong, and able to save the suicidal Ibsenites. For my part,--that is, as one of the audience drawn by curiosity,--I should say that were it not for the excellent acting of all concerned in the piece, and especially of Miss ELIZABETH ROBINS as the Hanwellian heroine, IBSEN's _Hedda Gabler_ would scarcely have been allowed a second night's existence at the Vaudeville. Miss ROBINS is so much in earnest--as a true artist should be--that she excites your curiosity to discover what on earth she is taking all this trouble about; and thus she compels your attention. That the result is eminently unsatisfactory is no fault of hers. The piece itself is stuff and nonsense; poor stuff and "pernicious nonsense." It is as if the author had studied the weakest of the Robertsonian Comedies, and had thought he could do something like it in a tragic vein. [Illustration: A Powerful Cast.] In the last Act there is a situation reminding us strongly of one short scene in _Caste; there_--so delicately and touchingly treated by its author; _here_--so repulsively treated by IBSEN. Let it be reduced to serious burlesque, and let us have it played by PENLEY as _George Tesman_, ARTHUR ROBERTS (with a song) as _Judge Brack_, WEEDON GROSSMITH as _Ejlbert Lövborg_, Miss LOTTIE VENNE as _Mrs. Hedda Tesman_, Mrs. JOHN WOOD as _Aunt Juliana_, and Miss JESSIE BOND (with song and dance) as _Mrs. Elvsted_. It is announced in the bill as "IBSEN's Last Play." There's a crumb of comfort in this. * * * * * QUEER QUERIES.