_The Egotistic Amphitryon_ (_concluding an harangue_). Well, all _I_'ve got to say is I've been here half-an-hour--(_with a bitter sense of the anomaly of the situation_)--waiting about for _You!!_ (_They seat themselves at one of the little tables under the verandah._) Oh, you're going to sit _that_ side, are you? It's all the same to me, except that there's a confounded draught here which--well, you're young, and these things don't affect you--or oughtn't to. (_They exchange sides._) We shall have to hurry our dinner now, if we mean to hear anything of the music. That was the reason I expressly told you seven sharp. Here, Waiter! (Waiter _presents a carte, and stands by with a proud humility._) Now, what are you going to have? (_To_ Guest.) You don't mind? I hate to hear a man say he doesn't care what he eats--he _ought_ to care, he _must_ care. What do you say to this--"Potage Bisque d'écrivisses; Saumon Sauce Hollandaise; Brimborions de veau farcis à l'imprévu; Ducklings and green peas; New Potatoes; Salad"? Simple and, ah, satisfying. (_To_ Waiter.) Let us have that as sharp as you can; do you hear? [Illustration] _Waiter_. Quick? Yes, I dell zem. [_He hurries off._ _The E.A._ Hang the fellow, he's forgotten the wine! (_To_ Guest.) What will you drink? _The Guest_ (_thinks it will look greedy if he suggests champagne_). Oh--er--whatever _you're_ going to drink. _The E.A._ Well, I'm going to have a glass of champagne myself. I want it after all this worry. But if you prefer beer (_considerately_), say so. (_The_ Guest, _in a spirit of propitiation, prefers beer._) Well, we could have managed a bottle of Pommery between us, and it's never so good to my mind in the pints--but please yourself, of course. [_The_ Guest _feels that his moderation has missed fire, but dares not retract; they sit in silence for some time, without anything of importance happening, except that a strange Waiter swoops down and carries away their bread-basket._ _A Meek Man_ (_at an adjoining table, who, probably for family reasons, is entertaining his Sister-in-law, a lady with an aquiline nose and remarkably thick eyebrows._) You know, HORATIA, I call this sort of thing very jolly, having dinner like this in the fresh air, eh? [_He rubs his hands under the table._ _Horatia_ (_acidly_). It may be so, AUGUSTUS, when we _do_ have it. At present we have been sitting here fifteen minutes, and had nothing but fresh air and small flies, and, as I don't pretend to be a Chameleon myself, why-- [_She fans herself vigorously._ _Augustus_. Well, you know, my dear, we were warned that the trout _en papillotes_ might take some little time. I suppose (_with mild Jocularity_)--it's a fashionable fish--wants to come in with a "little head sunning over with curls," as the poet says. _Horatia_. Please don't make jokes of that sort--unless you wish to destroy the little appetite I have left!