I shut those doors, and kept them close With all my might and main; The storm-blast snatched them from my hands, And forced them back again, It blew the cabman from his perch Towards the hornéd moon; I saw him dimly overhead Sail like a bad balloon. It blew the bandbox far away Across the angry sea; The English Channel's scattered with Silk and passementerie. The silly horse within the shaft One moment did remain; And then the harness snapped, and he Went flying through the rain; And fell, a four-legged meteor, Upon the coast of Spain. _First Voice._ "What makes that cab move on so fast Wherein no horse I find?" _Second Voice._ "The horse has cut away before; The cab's blown from behind." Then just against the Harrow Road I made one desperate bound-- A leprous lamp-post and myself Lay mingled in a swound! And cables snapped, and all things snapped; When the next morn was grey, The _Telegraph_ appeared without Its "Paris Day by Day." PART III. Oh, cheapness is a pleasant thing, Beloved from pole to pole! To get a thing at one-and-four, For which your friend pays twopence more, Is balm unto the soul. And cheaper than that Hansom cab Whose tale I've told thee thus, Far cheaper it had been to take The stately omnibus! To take the stately omnibus Where all together sit; Each takes his ticket in his hands, Obeys the Company's commands, And pays his pence for it. And if you would not find yourself Wrecked in the Edgware Road, Do not be vulgar and declare You wish you may be blowed! * * * * * [Illustration] THE "MASHER'S" ANSWER, [Dr. ARABELLA KENEALY, in the _Westminster Review_, is severe on the young men of the day for not dancing, and avoiding matrimony.] Bless me, Doctor ARABELLA, Hard a lady's hand can strike! Do you really mean a fella' Is to dance; just when you like? Why so savagely sarcastic, That we will not "take the floor" And account the "light fantastic" An unmitigated bore? You avow we're shy of marriage. Is not that too hard again? When a maiden wants a carriage, And a mansion in Park Lane, Diamonds, furs, and opera-boxes: Although ardently one loves, All the balance I've at Cox's Wouldn't keep a girl in gloves. * * * * * "WILL YOU, WONT YOU?" _(A Lay of the Lord Chancellor. Very latest Version, NOT from "Iolanthe."_) [Illustration: _Lord Halsbury (to Bill Sikes)_. "IF YOU _DON'T_ SAY ANYTHING, IT WILL GO AGAINST YOU; AND IF YOU _DO_, IT WILL BE ALL UP WITH YOU!"]