_First Pass._ (_enthusiastically_). And what if they do, Sir--what if they do? Have we no duty to our fellow man? Ought we not to sacrifice something on his behalf--for his sake? And, my dear Sir, I speak all the more dispassionately, because my rates are paid--_by my Landlord!_ [_Curtain._ * * * * * ANSWERS TO CORRESPONDENTS.--"HISTORICAL GARDENER."--Yes, certainly--it was "The Gallows-tree," from which "The Hanging Gardens of Babylon" took their name. Any school-boy knows this.--"INQUIRING BUOY."--No; the Nore Light is not a candelabraham. * * * * * HOW IT'S DONE! [Illustration] DEAREST MADGE, You have asked me to tell you some scandal! You seem to forget how I hate such a theme-- How I loathe and detest every girl who's a Vandal, Destroying that fine work of Art, Nature's Scheme. Why, I _never_ talk scandal, you goose, and you know it; It's no fascination whatever to _me_. I _could_ tell some, of course, for we county folk grow it Like so many apples and pears on a tree. I repeat, I detest such a thing beyond measure. I'm not like dear MAUD, who my husband declares Was invented and made to exist on the pleasure Of dragging to light other people's affairs. _She_ would forward you scandalous tales by the dozen-- There's no one like _her_ if you want any news. I declare she's as bad as her wretch of a cousin, Who's bolted with Major FITZ-DASH, of the Blues. Now, for instance, she told me (in confidence, mind you) That Captain BLANK CARTRIDGE, when playing at Nap, Has an odious habit of getting behind you, And calling according to what's on your lap. (By the way, we have only just heard that the Major, Who gave Lady B. such a beautiful horse, Is a perfect _Don Juan_, and quite an old stager At playing a prominent part in divorce.) More than that, she assures me (although I don't doubt it) That D., though apparently sober and staid, Is a flirt, and that people are talking about it Indignantly here. And it's true, I'm afraid; For I heard Mrs. PARSONS, the wife of the Vicar, Inform Countess C. (who's forgiven, you know) That each day she appears to get thicker and thicker With N., though engaged to be married to O. MAUD has written to mother, and said in her letter (Marked "private ") that T., who has taken to drink, And been sent to a sort of a home, is no better, And quenches his thirst, when he can, with the ink. And the Dowager Duchess of M. (the old sinner!) Has dropped all the money she had backing gees; While the Colonel, who's said to have spotted the winner, Owns most of the horses that _lost_, if you please!