_Mrs. Markham_. When you are all older, I will take you myself to examine the Model of the celebrated Battle in the Royal United Service Institution; in the meanwhile, you may rest satisfied with the explanation I have afforded you. _Mary_. But mother, dear, do you not think that NAPOLEON and his Army may possibly have trembled at the red fire and the picture of carnage on the painted canvas, that, on the occasion under discussion, confronted them? _Mrs. Markham_. It is not improbable; and now, CHARLES, can you tell me anything about NAPOLEON? _Charles_. Yes, dearest Mamma. He was strikingly like Mr. BOLTON the excellent Member of Parliament, who represents so ably a portion of St. Pancras, and had a curious and clever way of hugging his elbows when his arms were crossed behind his back. _Mrs. Markham_. That was indeed the case, and I am glad to see that you have paid so much attention to historical accuracy. And you, MARY, what do you know about the Ladies-in-waiting upon the Empress JOSEPHINE? _Mary_. That even in the direst straits they were fond of practical joking. One of them, for instance, on the eve of the Battle of Waterloo, finding a general's uniform, that for some unaccountable reason was hanging up in an inn at Jenappes, assumed the costume, and, thus disguised, had a great deal of fun with her husband, the Marshal AUGEREAU, who was then on his way to the front, with the avowed purpose of engaging the allied armies of England and Prussia in mortal combat. _Mrs. Markham_. And you, FRANK--what do you know of TALLEYRAND? _Frank_. That there seemed to be some doubt about his proper title. Some called him "Monseigneur," some "Monsieur," and some even "My shoe" and "My sheer." _Mrs. Markham_. Well, my dear children, you all seem to have been very observant, and let me hope that if _A Royal Divorce_ does not exactly add to the reputation of NAPOLEON, JOSEPHINE, Mr. WILLS, or MARIE LOUISE, it may yet fill the coffers of Miss GRACE HAWTHORNE. * * * * * NAVAL NOTE.--The Shibboleth of international courtesy in these days of big Iron-clad Fleets should surely be, "May it please your Warships!" * * * * * SONG OF THE SHAMPOOED ONE (AFTER TENNYSON),--"Sweet after showers ambrosial (h)air!" * * * * * [Illustration: CAUSE AND EFFECT. "MY LITTLE BOY, SIR, DIED WHEN HE WAS ONLY TWO MONTHS OLD, JUST AFTER HE HAD BEEN VACCINATED." "HOW VERY SAD! HAD HE BEEN BAPTISED?" "YES, SIR; BUT IT WAS THE _VACCINATION_ AS CARRIED HIM OFF, SIR!"] * * * * * THE MODERN "BED OF PROCRUSTES." [PROCRUSTES, or "the Stretcher," was the surname of one POLYPEMON, a Greek "gentleman of the road," whose amiable habit was to stretch or shorten the bodies of travellers who fell into his hands, so as to make them of the same length as a certain bed of his upon which it was his wont to tie them.]