Re-enter Footman_). "Sir, an elderly man, who was acquainted with your family years ago, insists on seeing you, and will take no denial!" _Villain_ (_with presence of mind--to Guests._) "Ladies and Gentlemen, will you step into the neighbouring apartment, and join the dancers?" (_The Guests obey. The_ Elderly Man _enters, and denounces_ JASPER, _who mendaciously declares that he is his own second cousin_ JOSEPH; _whereupon the visitor turns down his coat-collar, and takes off a false beard._) "Do you know me now, JASPER SHOPPUN?" he cries. "_I_ am JOSEPH--your second cousin!"... "What, ho, Sir Insolence!" the Villain retorts. "And so you come to deliver me to Justice?"... "Not so," says JOSEPH. "Long years ago I swore to my dying Aunt to protect your reputation, even at the expense of my own. I come to warn you that"--&c., &c. (_The Audience, who are now in excellent spirits, receive every incident with uncontrollable merriment till the end of the Act. Another long wait, enlivened by a piccolo solo._) _Author._ LAVINIA, it's _too_ disgraceful--it's a deliberate conspiracy to turn the piece into ridicule. I never thought my _own relations_ would turn against me--and yet I might have known! _Comp._ It wasn't the _play_ they laughed at, dear--that's lovely--but it's so ridiculously _acted_, you know! _Author._ Of course the acting _is_ abominable--but they might make allowances for _that_. It _is_ so unfair! [_The Play proceeds. The Heroine's jealousy has been excited by the Villain, for vague purposes of his own, and the Hero is trying to disarm her suspicions._ _She._ "But why are you constantly going from Paris to London at the beck and call of that man?" _He_ (_aside_). "If she only knew that I do it to shield my second cousin, JASPER--but my oath!--I cannot tell her! (_To her._) The reason is very simple, darling--he is my Private Secretary!" (_Roars of inextinguishable laughter, drowning the Wife's expressions of perfect satisfaction and confidence. The Hero wants to go out; the Wife begs him to stay; she has 'a presentiment of evil--a dread of something unseen, unknown.' He goes: the Villain enters in evening dress._) _Villain._ "Your husband is false to you. Meet me in half an hour at the lonely hut by the cross-roads, and you shall have proof of his guilt." (_The Wife departs at once, just as she is. Villain, soliloquising._) "So--my diabolical schemes prosper. I have got JOSEPH out of the way by stratagem, decoyed his wife--my early love--to a lonely hut, where my minions wait to seize her. Now to abduct the child, destroy the certificate of vaccination which alone stands between me and a Peerage, set fire to the home of my ancestors, accuse JOSEPH of all my crimes, and take my seat in the House of Lords as the Earl of Addelegg! Ha-ha--a good night's work! a good--" _Joseph_ (_from back_). "Not so. I have heard all. I will _not_ have it. You _shall_ not!" (_&c., &c._) _Villain._ "You would thwart my schemes?" _Joseph_ (_firmly_).