_The Comic Man_ (_to his Fiancée, putting the tube to his ear_). Can't get _my_ telephone to tork yet! (_Shakes it._) _I'll_ wake 'em up! (_Puts the other tube to his mouth._) Hallo--hallo! are you there? Look alive with that Show o' yours, Guv'nor--we ain't got long to stop! (_Pretends to listen, and reply._) If you give me any of your cheek, I'll come down and punch your 'ead! (_Applies a tube to his eye._) All right, POLLY, they've _begun_--I can see the 'ero's legs! _Polly_. Be quiet, can't you? I can't hold the tubes steady if you will keep making me laugh so. (_Listening._) Oh, ALF, I can hear singing--can't you? Isn't it lovely! _The Com. M._ It seems to me there's a bluebottle, or something, got inside mine--I can 'ear _im_! _The Irr. P._ (_angrily, to himself_). How the deuce do they expect--and that infernal organ in the nave has just started booming again--they ought to send out and stop it! _The Chatty O.G._ (_touching his elbow_). I beg your pardon, Sir, but can you inform me what opera it is they're performing at Manchester? The _Prima Donna_ seems to be just finishing a song. Wonderful how one can hear it all! _The Irr. P._ (_snapping_). Very wonderful indeed, under the circumstances! (_He corks both ears with the tubes_). It's too bad--now there's a confounded string-band beginning outs--(_Removes the tube._) Eh, what? (_More angrily than ever._) Why, it's _in_ the blanked thing! (_He fumbles with the tubes in trying to readjust them. At last he succeeds, and, after listening intently, is rewarded by hearing a muffled and ghostly voice, apparently from the bowels of the earth, say_--"Ha, say you so? Then am I indeed the hooshiest hearsher in the whole of Mumble-land!") _The Chatty O.G._ (_nudging him_). How very distinctly you hear the dialogue, Sir, don't you? [_The Irritable Person, without removing the tubes, turns and glares at him savagely, without producing the slightest impression._ _Another Ghostly Voice_ (_very audibly_). The devil you are! _A Careful Mother_. MINNIE, put them down at _once_, do you hear? I can't have you listening to such language. _Minnie_. Why, it's only at Manchester, Mother! _Ghostly Voices and Sounds_ (_as they reach the Irritable Person_). "You cursed scoundrel! So it was _you_ who burstled the billiboom, was it? Stand back, there, I'll hork every gordle in his--!" (_... Sounds of a scuffle ... A loud female scream, and firing ..._) "What have you done?" _The Ch. O.G._ Have you any sort of idea what he _has_ done, Sir? [_To the Irritable Person._ _The Irr. P._ No, Sir, and I'm not likely to have as long as-- [_He listens with fierce determination._ _First Ghostly Voice_. Stop! Hear me--I can explain everything! _Second Do. Do._ I will hear _nothing_, I tell you! _First Do. Do._ You shall--you _must_! Listen. I am the only surviving mumble of your unshle groolier.