_The Ch. O.G._ (_as before_). I think it must be a Melodrama and not an Opera after all--from the language! _An Innocent Matron_ (_who is listening, with her eyes devoutly fixed on the Libretto of "The Mountebanks," under the firm conviction that she is in direct communication with the Lyric Theatre._) I always understood _The Mountebanks_ was a _musical_ piece, my dear, didn't you? and even as it is, they don't seem to keep very close to the words, as far as I can follow! _Ghostly Voices_ (_in the Irritable Person's ear as before_). "Your _wife_?" "Yes, my wife, and the only woman in the world I ever loved!" _The Irr. P._ (_pleased, to himself._) Come, now I'm getting accustomed to it, I can hear capitally! _The Voices_. Then why have you--?...I will tell you all. Twenty-five years ago, when a shinder foodle in the Borjeezlers I-- _A Still Small Voice_ (_in everybody's ear_). TIME, PLEASE. _Everybody_ (_dropping the tubes, startled._) Where did _that_ come from? _The Com. M._ They've been and cut it off at the main--just when it was getting interesting! _His Fiancée_. Well, I can't say I made out much of the plot myself. _The Com. M._ I made out enough to cover a sixpence, anyhow. You didn't expect the telephone to explain it all to you goin' along, and give you cawfee between the Acts, did you? _The Ch. O.G._ (_sidling affably up to the Irritable Person as he is moving out_). Marvellous strides Science has made of late, Sir! Almost incredible. I declare to _you_, while I was sitting there, I positively felt inclined to ask myself the question-- _The Irr. P._ Allow me to say, Sir, that another time, if you will obey that inclination, and put the question to yourself instead of other people, you will be a more desirable neighbour in a Telephone Room than, I confess I found you! [_He turns on his heel, indignantly._ _The Ch. O.G._ (_to himself_). 'Strordinary what unsociable people one _does_ come across at times! Now I 'm always ready to talk to anybody, I am--don't care _who_ they are. Well--well-- [_He walks on, musing._ * * * * * [Illustration: QUITE NATURAL. _Mamma._ "ETHEL DEAR, WHY WON'T YOU SAY GOOD-BYE TO THIS GENTLEMAN? HE IS VERY KIND!" _Ethel._ "BECAUSE, MUMMY DEAR, YOU TOLD HIM JUST NOW HE IS 'THE LION OF THE SEASON,'--AND I AM SO FRIGHTENED!"] * * * * * "DE PROFUNDIS." (_BY AN INDIGNANT "OUTSIDER."_) A masterpiece, worthy of TURNER, Was mine, there my friends all agree, No work of a pot-boiling learner, My "_View on the Dee_." A place on the line I expected, Associate shortly to be! Hang me, if it isn't rejected, And marked with a D! I will not repeat what I uttered When this was reported to me; The mere monosyllable muttered Begins with a D. * * * * * ON THE (POST) CARDS.