PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. VOL. 102. January 23, 1892. THE COVENT GARDEN MASQUE. Mumming--masking--masquerading; Fanning--fun--fanfaronading; Dancing--duncing--deft disguises; Singing--supping--strange (sur) prizes; Galloping and gallivanting Couples much in need of BANTING; All the customary make-up CLARKSON's customers can fake up; All the little childish raiment, Fatties don--for sylph and fay meant; Tally-hos and Hey-no-nonnies: Jackies--Jillies--Jennies--Johnnies-- Barber's blockhead--nothing dafter-- Heralding "Before and After": "Auntie's Bottle Hot"--a phial Only for external trial-- Gems of London--gems of Paris-- Arid gusts--AUGUSTUS HARRIS-- Splitting mirth--some garbs that split, too-- Aching heads next morning, ditto! * * * * * TO BE AVOIDED.--An Intemperate tone by a Temperance lecturer. * * * * * [Illustration: _Benevolent Stranger_. "ALLOW ME, SIR, TO OFFER YOU A DRINK!" _Unfortunate Sportsman_ (_just out of Brook_). "THANKS; BUT I'VE HAD A DROP TOO MUCH ALREADY!"] * * * * * RESPECTABILITY. ["What is Respectability?"--_Daily Telegraph, Jan. 12._] It's having money at the Bank. It's being a personage of rank. It's having spent three years at College With great, or little, gain of knowledge. It's going to Church twice every Sunday, And keeping in with Mrs. GRUNDY. It's clothes well-cut, and shiny hat, And faultless boots, and nice cravat. It may be Law, or Church, or Ale, Or Trade--on a sufficient scale. It's being "something in the City." It's carefully to shun being witty. It's letting tradesmen live on credit. It's "Oof"--to earn it, or to wed it. * * * * * PROFESSOR JOLLY, of Berlin, who, if his name express his disposition, ought to be a follower of _Mark Tapley_, reckons that twenty-five per cent. of the inmates of asylums have been inebriates. Is the Professor "Jolly well right?" * * * * * A DIALOGUE OF THE FUTURE. SCENE--_Rooms of a Cambridge Tutor._ PERSONS--_A Tutor and an Undergraduate._ _Tutor_. I understand you were at Newmarket yesterday. Is that so? _Undergraduate_. It is. I was. [Illustration] _Tutor_. A shameless avowal. Are you aware that you have broken one of the disciplinary regulations of your College? I fear I must punish you severely. Have you anything to say why sentence should not be passed upon you. [_Assumes the black College Cap._ _Undergraduate_. Yes, Sir, I have. _Tutor_. Then say it at once. _Undergraduate_. I went to Newmarket to see-- [_Hesitates._ _Tutor_. Proceed, Sir. Time presses. You went to see what? _Undergraduate_. As a matter of fact, I was particularly anxious to see the Head of the University. _Tutor_. What do you mean, Sir? _Undergraduate_. The chief Dignitary of Cambridge, the Chancellor, the Duke of DEVONSHIRE.