Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 102, January 9, 1892 — John Shaqi
Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 102, January 9, 1892Various
General
Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 102, January 9, 1892
Various
English wit and humor -- Periodicals
One of the earliest volumes issued in connection with the
newly-devised Automatic Library in use on some lines of Railway, is
entitled _Beyond Escape_. We understand that subsequent volumes will
be _Dashed to Pieces_, _The Broken Bridge_, _The Sprained Axle_, _The
Wheelbox on Fire_, _The Gordon Guard_, _The Cruel Cowcatcher; or, Cut
in Twain_, _The Colour-Blind Signalman_, and _Shunted and Shattered_.
* * * * *
CROSSED-EXAMINATION.
[Illustration]
OLD STYLE.--_Nervous Witness about to leave the box, when
his progress is arrested by Counsel on the other side._
_Counsel_ (_sharply_). Now, Sir, do you know the value of an oath?
_Witness_ (_taken aback_). Why, yes--of course.
_Coun._ (_pointing at him_). Come, no prevarication! Do you understand
the value, or do you not?
_Wit._ (_confused_). If you will allow me to explain--?
_Coun._ Come, Sir, you surely can answer Yes or No--now which is it?
_Wit._ But you will not let me explain--
_Coun._ Don't be impertinent, Sir! Explanation is unneeded. Mind, you
have been sworn, so if you _don't_ know the value of an oath, it will
be the worse for you.
_Wit._ But you won't let me speak.
_Coun._ Won't let you speak! Why, I can't get a word out of you. Now,
Sir--in plain English--are you a liar or not?
_Wit._ (_appealing to Judge_). Surely, my Lord, he has no right to
speak to me like this?
_Judge_. Be good enough to answer the Counsel's questions. I have
nothing to do with it.
_Coun._ Now, Sir--once more; are you a liar, or are you not?
_Wit._ I don't think that's the way to speak to me--
_Coun._ Don't bully me, Sir! You are here to tell us the truth, or as
much of it as you can.
_Wit._ But surely you ought to--
_Coun._ Don't tell me what I ought to do, Sir. Again; are you a liar,
or are you not?
_Wit._ Please tell me how I am to reply to such a question?
_Coun._ You are not there to ask me questions, Sir, but to answer _my_
questions to _you_.
_Wit._ Well. I decline to reply.
_Judge_ (_to Witness_). Now you had better be careful. If you do not
answer the questions put to you, it will be within my right to send
you to gaol for contempt of Court.
_Coun._ Now you hear what his Lordship says, and now, once more, are
you a liar, or are you not?
_Wit._ (_confused_). I don't know.
_Coun._ (_to Jury_). He doesn't know! I need ask nothing further!
[_Sits down._
_Foreman_ (_to Judge_). May we not ask, my Lord, how you consider this
case is being conducted?
_Judge_. With pleasure. Gentlemen! I will repeat what I remarked to
the Master quite recently. I think the only word that will describe
the matter is "noble." Distinctly noble!
[_Scene closes in upon despair of Witness._
NEW STYLE.--_Arrogant Witness about to leave the box, when
his progress is arrested by Counsel on the other side._
_Coun._ I presume. Sir, that--
_Wit._ (_sharply_). You have no right to presume. Ask me what you
want, and have done with it.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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