_The Prof._ (_instructively_). It is natural For a Horse when frightened at anything in Front of him, To jump Backwards, and when frightened at anything Back of him, To jump Forwards. (_Applause, in recognition of the accuracy and observation of this axiom._) Now I will show you my method Of correcting this Tendency by means Of my double Safety Rope and driving Rein, without Cruelty. Always Be Humane, Never causing any Pain if you Possibly can Help it. Fetch that Harness. (_The short Groom trips again, but so elaborately as to be immediately recognised as the funny man of the performance, after which his awkwardness ceases to entertain. The Professor shouts, "Woa!" and, as the horse declines to accept this suggestion, emphasises it by pulling the double rope, which, being attached to the animals forelegs, promptly brings him on his knees, much to his surprise and indignation_.) Never use the word "Woa!" Only when you mean your horse To stop. Woa! (_horse down again, intensely humiliated_.) If you mean him just To go quiet, say "Steady!" and teach him The difference Of the words. Never afterwards Deceiving him. (Paterf. _makes a note of this on Tartar's account._) Steady ... Woa! (_Same business repeated; horse evidently feeling that he is the victim of a practical joke, and depressed. Finally, Professor says "Woa!" without pulling, and horse thinks it better to take the hint._) _Paterf._ Wonder where I could get that apparatus--just the thing for _Tartar_! _His Daughter_. But you would have to lay down such a lot of sawdust first. And it might teach him to kneel down whenever you said "Woa!" you know, and _that_ wouldn't do! _Paterf._ Um! No. Never thought of that. _Prof._ I will now introduce To his notice the Bass Drum. (_The two Grooms dance about the horse, banging a drum and clashing cymbals, at which he shies consumedly. Gradually he appears to realise that his lines have fallen among lunatics, and that his wisest policy is to humour them. He does so, even to the extent of suffering the big drum to be beaten on his head with patient disgust._) _The Daughter_. You might try _that_ with _Tartar_, Father. You could have the dinner-gong, you know. _Paterf._ (_dubiously_). H'm, I'm not at all sure that it would have the same effect, my dear. _Prof._ (_who has vaulted on the horse's back_). I will now make him familiar With an umbrella. (_Opens it suddenly; horse plunges_.) Now, Sir, this is nothing but an umbrella--vurry good one too--it isn't going to hurt you; look at it! [_He waves it round the animal's head, and finally claps it over his eyes, the horse inspects it, and tacitly admits that he may have been prejudiced._ _Daughter._ It would be quite easy to do that, Father. We could hide in the shrubbery with parasols, and jump out at him. _Paterf._ Not while _I'm_--Well, we must see what your _Mother_ says about that. [_Begins to wish he had come alone._