"What a shame!" cried the other. "Why, with me, I have had a rare old time! Everybody has been pleased to see me." "But hasn't your conviction injured you?" "Not particularly. I have lots of people who support me. Why, if we were _too_ particular with one another, we shouldn't have a pal in the world! Hope there's nothing wrong." "Why, don't you call this wrong? Here are you, as jolly as possible, and I--a miserable man!" "Can't be helped. We are in the same box." "Are we?" said the semi-genteel Convict. "Well, I should have scarcely believed it! Then, I suppose I must comfort myself with the thought that the same law applies to the rich as the poor." "Does it?" returned the commoner Convict. "Then all I can say is, that whatever the law may be, the punishment is never the same." And ST. JAMES, with a bitter sigh, wished he could change places with his more fortunate dock-mate. * * * * * THE CHEF'S NEW DISH FOR TRAVELLERS.--"_Insurance of Passengers' Luggage_."--Bravo, THOMAS COOK AND SON! Not "too many Cooks," but "just Cooks enough!" Hitherto the traveller had only to present himself ready "dressed" to be thoroughly Cook'd, and done throughout, to a turn. Now, in addition, his baggage can be book'd and Cook'd; and, should any "_Gravy delictum_" happen to it, the value of the lost portmanteau and boxes will be handed over to the aggrieved passenger. * * * * * PATHETIC DESCRIPTION OF THE PRESENT STATE OF MR. GEORGE ALEXANDER.--"He is running WILDE at the St. James's Theatre.--Yours, L.W.F." * * * * * CONFESSIONS OF A DUFFER. VI.--THE DUFFER AT WHIST. Whist, it seems to me, is an affair of eyes, memory, and calculative ratiocination. As to eyes, I have a private theory that mine are bewitched. It is not mere short sight. At school and college I have seen Greek words on the printed page, and translated them correctly, and come to grief, because these words, on inspection, were somehow not there. Explain this I cannot, but it is a fact. The same with Whist; I see spades where clubs are, and diamonds for hearts, and a cold world accuses me of revoking and of carelessness, but it is _not _ carelessness. It is something gone askew in phenomena. Thus, when I am a witness as to facts in a trial, perjury is the softest word for my testimony, so the Court thinks, because the Court is blessed with the usual relations between objective facts, and subjective impressions. I admit that I am less fortunate, but when I try to go into this, I am interrupted. However, this is why I revoke. [Illustration]