_The Gr. C._ (_with a note of triumph_). Look here, you know, there's a lot more to come off here--won't be missed, eh? _The Loq. Ass._ No, Sir, you've an uncommon thick 'ed--of _'air_, I mean, of course! _The S.A._ If you'll take my advice, you'll 'ave yours singed, Sir. _The B.C._ (_dejectedly_). Why, think it's any use? _The S.A._ No doubt of that, Sir. Look at the way they singe a _'orse's_ legs. [_The Bald Customer yields, convinced by this argument._ _The Gr. C._ No singeing or any nonsense of that sort for _me_, mind! [_They are shampooed simultaneously._ _The B.C._ (_piteously, from his basin_). Th--that's c-cold enough, thanks! _The Gr. C._ (_aggressively from his_). Here, colder than _that_--as cold as you can make it--_I_ don't care! _The B.C._ (_drying his face meekly on a towel_). A--a _hand_-brush, please, _not_ the machine! _The S.A._ No, Sir, machine-brush would about sweep all the 'air _off_ your 'ed, Sir! _The Gr. C._ Machinery for me--and your hardest brush, do you hear? _The Loq. Ass._ { _(together, to_ {Shall I put anything on _The S.A._ {_their respective_ { your 'ed, Sir? { _patients_.) {Like anything on your { 'air, Sir? _The S.A._ Well, you may as well keep what little you _'ave_ got, Sir. Like to try our 'Irsutine Lotion, capital thing, Sir. Known it answer in the most desprit cases. Keep it in 'alf-crown or three-and-sixpenny sizes. Can I 'ave the pleasure of puttin' you up a three-and-sixpenny one, Sir? (_The Bald Customer musters up moral courage to decline, at which the Assistant appears disgusted with him_.) No, Sir? Much obliged, Sir. Let me see--(_with a touch of sarcasm_)--you part your 'air a one side, I _think_, Sir? Brush your 'at, Sir? Thankee, Sir. Pay at the counter, _if_ you please. Shop--there! _The Loq. Ass._ Think your 'air's as you like it now, Sir? Like to look at yourself in a 'and-glass, Sir? Thank you, Sir. [_The Bald Customer puts on his hat with relief, and instantly recovers his self-respect sufficiently to cast a defiant glare upon his rival, and walk out with dignity. The Grizzled Customer after prolonged self-inspection, follows. The two Assistants are left alone._ _The Loq. Ass._ Pretty proud of his 'air, that party, eh? Notice how I tumbled to him? _The S.A._ (_with superiority_). I _heard_ you, o' course, but, as I'm always tellin' you, you don't do it _delicate_ enough! When you've been in the profession as long as I have, and seen as much of human nature, you'll begin to understand how important it is to 'ave tact. Now you never 'eard _me_ stoop to flattery nor yet over-familiarity--and yet you can see for yourself I manage without 'urting nobody's feelings--however bald! That's _tact_, that is! * * * * * [Illustration: "INFLAMMABLE BUTTONS." UN PAGE D'AMOUR.] * * * * * HORACE IN LONDON.