_Examiner_ (_courteously_). Have you studied any Latin author? _Candidate_ (_with hesitation_). I once looked into CORNELIUS NEPOS, but never could construe half a dozen lines. _Exam._ What have you studied in Greek? _Can._ Tried the first page of VALPY, and got through the present of [Greek: tupto]--then gave it up. _Exam._ Do you know anything about Mathematics? _Can._ Fancy I have heard of the Rule of Three, but hanged if I know much about Fractions. _Exam._ (_a little despairingly_). Can you give the dates of the four WILLIAMS in English History? _Can._ No. Suppose followed one another, as shillings of the time of WILLIAM THE FOURTH still in use. Suppose WILLIAM THE FIRST must have been about the end of the Eighteenth Century. _Exam._ (_with new hope_). Do you know anything about Geography? _Can._ Not without a _Continental Bradshaw_. _Exam._ (_nothing daunted_). Can you tell me the name of the spot which is supposed to be the centre of the universe? _Can._ I haven't the faintest idea, but suppose you mean Monte Carlo. _Exam._ (_as a last resource_). Do you know anything about Law? _Can._ Nothing at all, except that one of my friends had to pay five pounds, the other day, for assaulting a Policeman. _Exam._ (_losing his temper_). Then what on earth _do_ you know? _Can._ Only how to break the record of the quarter mile. _Exam._ (_brightening up_). And can you play Cricket? _Can._ (_contemptuously_). _Can_ I play Cricket! Why I carried my bat out for 184 against Loamshire, with GRACE bowling his swiftest. _Exam._ (_cordially grasping his hand_). My dear Sir, after the satisfactory examination you have just undergone, I shall have much pleasure in recommending you for a Scholarship. * * * * * ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT. EXTRACTED FROM THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P. _House of Commons, Monday, Aug_. 8.--Think I mentioned, just before Prorogation, how DUNBAR BARTON, offended at disregard paid to his warnings by Ministers, protested that he would never speak again, and should thenceforth be known as DUM BARTON. Finding him to-night figged out, prepared to move Address, reminded him of the incident. [Illustration: Asquith, Q.C.] "Quite so, TOBY," he said; "you're perfectly right. I never did speak again in that House. This is a different thing. Besides, I'm not going to make a speech, but to read a paper."