Produced by V. L. Simpson, Malcolm Farmer and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. VOL. 103. December 17th, 1892. [Illustration: THE WILD WILD EAST. _First Coster._ "SAY, BILL, 'OW D'YER LIKE MY NEW KICKSEYS? GOOD FIT, EH?" _Second Coster._ "FIT! THEY AIN'T NO _FIT_. THEY'RE A _HAPERPLICTICK STROKE!_"] * * * * * MIXED NOTIONS. No. 1.--BI-METALLISM. SCENE--_A Railway-carriage in a suburban morning train to London. There are four Passengers, two of whom are well-informed men, while the third is an inquirer, and the fourth an average man. They travel up to London together every morning by the same train. The two_ Well-informed Men _and the_ Average Man _are City men; the_ Inquirer _is a young Solicitor. They have just finished reading their morning papers, and are now ready to impart or receive knowledge._ _Inquirer._ They don't seem to be making much of this Monetary Conference in Brussels. _First Well-informed Man._ Of course they're not. I knew how it would be from the start. I met HARCOURT some time ago, and told him what I thought about it. "You mark my words," I said, "the whole blessed thing will be a failure. You haven't sent out the right men, and they're certain to waste their time in useless academic discussions." He seemed surprised, but he hadn't got a word to say. _Inquirer_ (_deeply impressed_). Ah! _First W. I. M._ The thing's really as simple as A B C. Here are we, a country with a gold standard, and we find that gold has appreciated. What's the consequence? Why, silver goes down everyday, and commerce is dislocated,--absolutely dislocated. All we have to do is to---- _Second W. I. M._ (_breaking in_). One moment! When you say gold has appreciated, you mean, of course, that the purchasing power of gold has increased--in other words, commodities are cheaper. Isn't that so? _First W. I. M._ Yes. Well, what then? _Second W. I. M._ What's your remedy? Do you think you can make things better by fixing a ratio between gold and silver? In the first place, you can't do it; they've got nothing to do with one another. _First W. I. M._ (_triumphantly_). Haven't they? What have you got to say, then, about the Indian rupee? That's where the whole of your beautiful system comes to grief. You can't deny that. _Second W. I. M._ The Indian rupee has got nothing to do with it. My theory is, that it's all due to the American coinage of silver, and (_vaguely_), if we do the same as they, why, we shall only make things worse. No, no, my boy, you've got hold of the wrong end of the stick, there. Look at the Bland Bill. Do you want to have that kind of thing in England? _Inquirer._ God forbid! By the way, what was the Bland Bill?