_Round III., and last._--Proser's right peeper badly swollen, the Dullard gory, and a bit groggy, but still smiling. Proser opened with a ricochet, which did great execution, but was countered heavily when he attempted to repeat the trick, the Dullard all but knocking him off his legs with a fifty-pound salmon. After some slight exchanges they began a hammer-and-tongs game, in which Proser scored heavily. Dullard, however, pulled himself together for a final rush. They met in the middle of the ring, and both fell heavily. As neither was able to rise, the fight was drawn. Both men were heavily damaged, and were carried away with their jaws broken. There you have the story. The actual result was that these two ponderous bores all but did one another to death. So exhausted were they by the terrible conflict, that our comfort was not again disturbed by them during this particular visit. We were lucky, though at first we scarcely saw it, in getting two evenly matched ironclad bores together. If we had had only one, the matter would have been far more difficult. * * * * * [Illustration: THE SERPENT'S TOOTH. "DIDN'T I SEND 'IM TO HETON AN' HOXFORD? DIDN'T I SEND 'IM INTO THE HARMY, ALONG O' SOME O' THE BIGGEST NOBS IN ALL HENGLAND, WITH AN ALLOWANCE FIT FOR A YOUNG HEARL? AND WHAT'S THE HUPSHOT OF IT ALL? WHY, HE GIVES DINNERS TO DOOKS AND ROYAL 'IGHNESSES, AN' DON'T EVEN HARSK 'IS PORE OLD FATHER TO MEET 'EM. 'IGHNESSES, INDEED! I COULD BUY UP THE 'OLE BLESSED LOT! AND, _WHAT'S MORE, I WOULDN'T MIND TELLIN' 'EM SO TO THEIR FACES, FOR TWO PINS!--AH! JUST AS SOON AS LOOK AT 'EM--AND 'E KNOWS IT!_"] * * * * * UNDECIDED. Goosey, Goose, Uganda, With whom will you wander, With the English, with the French? Or with King MWANGA? * * * * * ADVICE GRATIS (_by a Bill Poster_).--"Invest all your savings in hoardings." * * * * * THE COMPLIMENT OF COIN. (_AN EXTRACT FROM MR. PUNCH'S PURELY IMAGINARY CONVERSATIONS._) SCENE--_Interior of a Palace._ Emperor _and_ Empress _discovered discussing the former's tour in foreign parts._ _Emperor_ (_finishing a good story_). So after I had made a hearty meal off the bread-and-milk, I gave the old woman a note for five thousand thalers, and told her to buy a three-sous portrait of myself so that she might see the Sovereign that she had saved from starvation. Ha! ha! ha! Wasn't it amusing? _Empress_ (_smiling_). Very, dear; but wasn't it a little expensive? Surely you could have got the bread-and-milk for a smaller sum? _Emperor._ Of course I could! But then, don't you see, it made me popular. It's in all the papers, and reads splendidly! _Empress._ Yes, of course, dear. By the way, I found this volume (_producing book bound in velvet with real gold clasps_) in your overcoat. May I peep into it?