_The Orator's Opening Discourse_ (_as heard in the back rows_). Ladies and Gentlemen, I desire to draw your attention to an important fact. It will be my pleasure to introduce to you ... ("_The real American popcorn, equally famous in Paris and London, tuppence each packet!" from Vendor in gangway_) ... history and life of the ... (_"'Buffalo Bill Puzzle,' one penny!" from another vendor behind_) ... impress one fact upon your minds; this is not ... (_roar and rattle of passing train_) ... in the ordinary or common acceptation of ... (_"Puff-puff-puff!" from engine shunting trucks_) ... Many unthinking persons have said ... (_Piercing and prolonged scream from same engine._) This is not so. On the contrary ... (_Metallic bangs from trucks._) Men and animals are ... ("_Programmes! Opera-glasses on hire!_") ... purely the creatures of ... [_Remainder of remarks hopelessly lost amidst the clank of coupling chains, whistles, snorts and puffs from shunting engine._ _An Old Lady in Audience._ He has such a beautiful clear voice, we _ought_ to hear every word. If _I_ were Buffalo BILL, I should positively insist on the trains keeping quiet while the Orator was speaking! _Orator_ (_during the Grand Processional Review_). A Troop of Arapahoe Indians! [_Band strikes up; a party of painted Indians gallop into Arena, uttering little puppy-like barks._ _An Artistic Lady_ (_shuddering_). Look at that creature with a raw pink body, and a pea-green face--it's too _frightful_, and such _crude_ yellows! I _wish_ they could be taught to paint themselves some _decent_ colour! _Her Sister._ Really, dear, as far as _decency_ is concerned, I don't exactly see what difference the mere _colour_ would make. _Her Husband._ That isn't quite what EMILY meant. She'd like to enamel 'em all in Art shades and drape Liberty scarves round 'em, like terra-cotta drainpipes or wicker-chairs--eh, EMILY? _Emily_ (_loftily_). Oh, my dear HENRY, I wasn't speaking to _you_. I know what a contempt you have for all that makes a home beautiful! _Henry._ Meaning Indians? My love, I respect them and admire them--at a distance; but, plain _or_ coloured, I cannot admit that they would be decorative as furniture--even in _your_ drawing-room! [_EMILY endures him in silence._ _Orator._ A party of Women of the Ogallalla Tribe! [Illustration: "I am perfectly aware of _that_, Euphemia!"] [_Three mounted Indian ladies in blankets--walk their horses slowly round the Arena, crooning "Aye-eia-ha-ya-hee-hi-ya!" with every sign of enjoying their own performance._ _A Poetical Lady._ What strange wild singing it is, JOHN! There's something so creepy about it, somehow. _John_ (_a prosaic but frivolous person_). There is, indeed. It explains _one_ thing I never quite understood before, though. _The Poetical Lady._ I thought it would impress you--but what does it explain? _John._ The reason why the buffalo in those parts has so entirely died out.