Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 103, July 9, 1892Various
General
Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 103, July 9, 1892
Various
English wit and humor -- Periodicals
_A Rigid Matron_ (_during the Emigrant Train Scene_). I don't care
to see a girl ride in that bold way myself. I'm sure it _must_ be so
unsexing for them. And what _is_ she about now, with that man? They're
actually having a duel with knives--on _horseback_ too! not at _all_ a
nice thing for any young girl to do. There! she's pulled out a pistol
and shot him--and galloped off as if nothing had happened! I have
always heard that American girls were allowed a good _deal_ of
liberty--but I'd really no idea they went as far as this! I should
be sorry indeed to see any girl of _mine_ (_here the glances
instructively at three dumpy and dough-faced Daughters_) acting in
that forward and _most_ unfeminine manner. (_Reassuringly._) But I'm
very sure there's no fear of _that_, is there, dears?
[_The Daughters repudiate with gratifying unanimity any desire
to shoot gentlemen on horseback._
_A Bloodthirsty Boy_ (_as the hostile Indians attack the train_). Will
the Indians _scalp_ anybody, Uncle?
_His Uncle._ No, my boy, they don't let 'em get near enough for that,
you see! [_The Indians are ignominiously chased off by Cowboys._
_The Boy_ (_disappointed_). They'd a splendid chance of scalping the
Orator that time--and not one of them even saw it!
_Orator._ Captain JACK BURTZ, of the United States Army, will now give
you an example of his phenomenal Lightning Drill.
[_The Captain takes up his position with an air of fierce
resolution, and proceeds to do wonderful things with a
rifle and fixed bayonet, which he treats with a familiarity
bordering on contempt._
_A Lady_ (_to a_ Military Friend--_as the Captain twirls the rifle
rapidly round his neck_). Have you ever seen anyone drill like that
before?
_The Mil. F._ Saw CINQUEVALLI do something very like it at the Empire.
But _he_ had a cannon-ball as well.
_The Lady._ Look at him now--he's making the gun revolve upside down
with the bayonet on the palm of his hand! Could _you_ do that?
_The M.F._ Not without drilling a hole in myself.
_The Lady._ It really is wonderful that he shouldn't feel the point,
isn't it now?
_The M.F._ Well, I don't see much point _in_ it myself--but so long as
it amuses him, I daresay it's all right.
[_The Captain discharges the gun in the air and retires at the
double, feeling that his country's safety is secure for the
present. JOHNNY BAKER, the young American Marksman, appears
and exhibits his skill in shooting upside down._
_The Rigid Matron._ He missed one that time--he's not quite such a
good shot as the girl was.
_One of the Daughters._ Oh, but, Mother, you forget! Miss ANNIE OAKLEY
didn't stand on _her_--
_The R.M._ (_in an awful voice_), I am perfectly aware of that,
EUPHEMIA; so pray don't make such unnecessary remarks!
[_EUPHEMIA subsides in confusion._
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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