Pen was a busy personage. He was flying from place to place, and had much importance. He was pompous and mysterious, and puzzled many people. Pen was accompanied by a sheet of paper that he called Treaty. Pen took Treaty everywhere. To Russia, to France, to Rome, and to Turkey. No one knew exactly what Treaty was like. Pen said he was satisfied with Treaty, and as Pen and Treaty were such constant companions, Pen's word on the subject was accepted as authentic. But one fine day there was a breeze, and Treaty was blown away by the wind. "Can I not assist?" asked Pen. "Things seem to have gone wrong." "No, thanks," replied Sword, grimly; "when it comes to close quarters, we find ink not quite so useful as gunpowder!" * * * * * SUGGESTION FOR AN OUTSIDE ADVERTISEMENT TO BE DISPLAYED AT THE DOOR OF THE STRAND THEATER.--"_Niobe_ all tiers" (full). * * * * * BRIEF INTERVIEW. "And," asked our deferential Interviewer, "what did your Lordship reply to the deputation about Uganda?" Lord ROSEBERY at once answered, "I said little, but I--" "_Ment-more_," interrupted the Private Secretary, sticking a label on his Lordship's travelling bag. "Quite so," said Lord ROSEBERY, and off he went. * * * * * BAD FOR WOULD-BE "ENGLISH WIVES"--It is reported that "Yankee Girls and American Belles were the feature of the Miscellaneous Market." This should put our young men on their mettle--tin, of course, for choice. No reasonable offer refused. * * * * * [Illustration: "HOW IT'S DONE!" (_Hard on Sketchley, who was there at the time and in the thick of it, and has just had his Picture photographed._) "OH! MR. SKETCHLEY, HOW CLEVER OF YOU TO PAINT SUCH A LARGE PICTURE FROM SUCH A SMALL PHOTOGRAPH!"] * * * * * LAYS OF MODERN HOME. NO. V.--MY BUTTONS! [Illustration] It wasn't that he blacked the plate And rouged the boots, and breathed, half-choking, Half-snorting, when he leaned to wait; Although these habits _are_ provoking. It wasn't that he sang his fill, Although his mouth with food was giving; This latter, as a feat of skill, Might have procured the lad a living. It wasn't that he'd purchase hosts Of squibs and sweets to mess the pantry; That horrid boy, and broomstick-ghosts On timid JANE would oft, and ANN try. These petty peccadilloes might Have all improved with careful training.-- It was his shameless appetite That gave us cause for most complaining. He swilled and stuffed as never mere Adult voracity can own to; He was a "growing boy," I fear; I wonder much what he has grown to! He wore away our forks and spoons With hard, incessant gormandizing; The Baker's, and, for some blue moons, The Milkman's bill were quite surprising. [Illustration]