He cost us more in Butcher's meat And Grocer's tea, and things from Cutlers, He cost, I solemnly repeat, Far more than two or three big Butlers. And thus his fat increased until't Became a show that sight bewilders; We trembled for our mansion built, You see, by noted Jerry-builders. At length (you'll scarce the fact believe) One evening, as we sat at dinner, And strove our senses to deceive By just imagining him thinner; We heard a crack, a burst, a groan, We felt a broadside round us battered, We _saw_ his buttons fiercely blown About our heads, and piecemeal scattered! The suit had split; the boy was bare Of clothes designed to last for ages; We gave him notice then and there-- This _volume_, so to speak, of pages! * * * * * SONG TO BE SUNG IN HAYMARKET ORCHESTRA DURING OVERTURE.--"Oh, why should we wait till to-morrow? See _Queen of Manoa_ to-night!" * * * * * ON A GUERNSEY EXCURSION CAR. _The car, drawn by four horses, and crowded with Excursionists on pleasure bent, is toiling up the steep streets of St. Peter Port, when it comes to a sudden halt._ [Illustration: "Endeavours to assume a knowing and horsey expression."] _Excursionists_ (_impatiently_). Now then, what's this? What are we stopping here for? _The Driver_. Ladies and Gentlemen, you will thoroughly understand that it is customary for the car to stop here, in order that the party may be photographed, thus providing an agreeable souvenir of the trip, and a useful means of identification at Scotland Yard. (_A Photographer appears in the road with a camera, and the party prepare themselves for perpetuation in a pleased flutter_.) P'raps, Sir--(_to a Mild Man on the box-seat_)--you'd like to be taken 'andling the ribbons? Most of our Gentlemen do. [_The Mild Man accepts the reins, and endeavours to assume a knowing and horsey expression._ _A Timid Lady_ (_behind_). I _do_ hope no Gentleman will take the reins, unless he is thoroughly accustomed to driving four-in-hand. Suppose they took it into their heads to run away suddenly! _Driver_ (_solemnly_). Don't you alarm yourself about that, Ma'am, in the very slightest degree. These 'osses take that pride in themselves, they'd stop here all day rather than spoil their own likenesses! [_The M.M. intimates that he is no novice in the art of driving, which is fairly true as regards a pony-trap--and the fears of the_ T.L. _are allayed._ _Photographer_. Now, steady all, please, those at the further ends of the seats stand up so as to come into the picture, a little more to the right, please, the gentleman in the straw 'at, turn your 'ead a trifle more towards the camera, the lady in the pink shirt,--that's better. Better take off your spectacles, Sir. Now then--are you ready? _A Comic Exc._ 'Old on a bit--I've a fly on my nose.