Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 103, October 8, 1892Various
General
Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 103, October 8, 1892
Various
English wit and humor -- Periodicals
All these subjects, like all others connected with shooting, can be
resumed and continued after dinner, and in the smoking-room. Talk of
the staleness of smoke! It's nothing to the staleness of the stories
to which four self-respecting smoking-room walls have to listen in the
course of an evening.
(_To be continued._)
* * * * *
[Illustration: A PIS-ALLER.
"ARE THERE ANY NIGGERS ON THE BEACH THIS MORNING, MAMMIE?"
"NO, DEAR; IT'S SUNDAY MORNING."
"OH, THEN I MAY AS WELL GO TO CHURCH WITH YOU!"]
* * * * *
BY-AND-BY LAWS FOR TRAFALGAR SQUARE.
(_WHEN MEETINGS ARE HELD IN "TIMES OF POLITICAL OR SOCIAL CRISES_.")
1. Cabs, omnibuses, carriages, and pedestrians will be expected to
keep clear of the space occupied by the Demonstrators.
2. To prevent destruction of glass and removal of property from shop
windows, tradesmen will be expected to put up their shutters several
hours before the holding of the meeting.
3. No particular notice will be paid to the transference of property
from one leader of labour to another. If done by stealth, it will be
accepted as a proof of secret Socialism.
4. No objection will be raised to combats amongst the Demonstrators,
with the restriction that no Government property is injured.
5. As the maintaining of the road is a matter of contract,
Demonstrators wishing to emphasise their opinions, must bring their
own stones.
6. As a good deal of property is expected to change hands during the
various proceedings, an application with a description of lost goods,
and photograph of supposed thief, can be addressed to the Chief
Inspector of Police, Scotland Yard.
7. These regulations (which are tentative) will be in force until
after the next General Election, when a fresh series will be
published, to be followed by others as occasion may require.
* * * * *
A POOR ROAD TO LEARNING.
SCENE--_Interior of a School Board Office. Official discovered
hard at work, doing single-handed in London what is done by
nearly a thousand officials combined in "Bonnie Scotland."
Enter Female Applicant, with infant._
_Applicant_. Please, Sir, here's my boy. Can you take him?
_Official_. Certainly. Has he had any education?
_App._ Well, as he's rising five, not much.
_Off._ But does he know anything? For instance, has he learned any
English history?
_App._ Not that I know of.
_Off._ Has he dipped into geography?
_App._ Well, I don't think he has.
_Off._ Can he cipher at all?
_App._ Not very well.
_Off._ Does he know what two and two make?
_App._ Well, he has never said he does.
_Off._ Can he write?
_App._ Well, no, he doesn't write.
_Off._ But I suppose he can read? Come, he at least can read?
_App._ Well, no, Sir, I am afraid he's not much of a scholar. I don't
think he can read.
_Off._ Then he is absolutely ignorant--miserably ignorant.
_App._ Very likely, Sir,--you know best.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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