Wonderful pictures of purple and gold, Ultramarine, and vermilion, and bistre; Splendid inscriptions of hostels untold, Touching memorials breathing of "Mr.;" "Schweizerhof," "Bernerhof," "Hofs" by the score; Signs of the Bear and the Swan, and the Bellevue, Gasthaus, Albergo, Posada, galore-- Beautiful wrecks, how I wish I could shelve you! Visions of Venice--her stones and her smells! Whiffs of Cologne--aromatic mementos; Visiting cards, so to speak, of hotels; Como's, Granada's, Zermatt's and Sorrento's Ah! how ye cling to my boxes and bags, Glued with a pigment that baffles removal; Dogged adherents in dirt and in rags; Labels, receive my profane disapproval! Much as I prized you, when roaming afield, Loved you, when Life was metheglyn and skittles, Wished you the spell of remembrance to wield, Calling the scenery back and the victuals; Still, when it blows and it rains, and it irks, Here in apartments adjoining a seaview, After a meal that would terrify Turks, Somehow I feel I can scarcely believe you. Yes! It's too much to remember the past-- Here, amid shrimps, and agilities nameless; Glaciers gigantic, and Restaurants vast Chime not with sands and a tablecloth shameless; Smoking a pestilent, sea-side cigar, Mewed in a lodging with children and nurses, Epitaphs gorgeous of far "_Dolce far_," Curse you with paterfamiliar curses! * * * * * THE UGLY FACE: A MORAL DUTY [Illustration: "A ready-made Comedian with fifty quid a week."] Some years ago a babe was born--I need not name the place-- With a puffy, pasty, podgy, gutta-percha sort of face, Which wrinkles sub-divided into funny little bits, While beady eyes peered cunningly behind two tiny slits. His nose was like a mushroom of the foreign button sort, His form was quaint and chubby, and his legs were extra short; That his nurse spoke like SAPPHIRA, I have always had a fear, When she said he was a "beauty," and a "pretty little dear." Yes, such remarks were really of the truth, a dreadful stretch, For, in point of fact, that baby was a hideous little wretch; And in course of time he grew up--though a loving mother's joy-- Into quite a champion specimen of the genius "ugly boy." At school his teasing comrades gave him many comic names, And he became the victim of all sorts of naughty games; Nor did the master like him, for he felt that such a face, Mid a row of ruddy youngsters, was extremely out of place. In time, his father placed him in the City--as a clerk-- Where his personal appearance excited much remark; But he fell out with his principal, whose customers complained, That his clerk was making faces, and said "Bosh!" when he explained.