On perceiving from the office that he never would be missed, As Mr. GILBERT puts it, he determined to enlist; And so one summer afternoon he started forth in search Of a Sergeant who perambulates close by St. Martin's Church. The Sergeant burst out laughing when he'd uttered his request, And declared that, of a batch of jokes he knew, this was the best; "'Tis a pity you're too short, my lad," he then went on to say, "For wid _that_ face ye'd froighten ivery inimy away!" In a fountain which played handy--it was near Trafalgar Square-- He was rushing off to drown himself, the victim of despair, When he knocked against a person he'd not seen for quite an age, Who had left his home some years before, and gone upon the Stage. To this friend he soon narrated his distressing tale of woe, And declared his case was hopeless. But the actor said, "Not so. There's _one_ thing, my fine fellow, that as yet you haven't tried, Where your face will be your fortune, and a pound or two beside. "With a mouth like yours to grin with, and your too delicious squint, And the ears that Nature's given you with such a lack of stint,-- No matter what an author may provide you with to speak, You're a ready-made Comedian--with your fifty quid a week." And it was so. Though he started at a figure rather less Than the one that I have mentioned, still the truth I but express When I say he now is earning such a wage as wouldn't shock A respectable Archbishop or a fashionable jock. And the face that all men sneered at, now is very much admired, And the public ne'er, apparently, of watching it grows tired, And the Merchant who dismissed him, in the Stalls is wont to sit, While the Sergeant and his sweetheart are applauding from the Pit. The moral of my narrative is easy to espy. But still I'd better mention it, lest some should pass it by: "Though it's often very troublesome indeed to find it out-- There's a proper sphere for _everyone_, beyond the slightest doubt." * * * * * [Illustration: TECHNICALITIES. _First Amateur Water-Colourist._ "DO YOU _WASH_ MUCH?" _Second Ditto Ditto_. "NO; I _SCRATCH_ A GOOD DEAL!"] * * * * * "PUTTING ON THE HUG." [During President CARNOT's tour he received at Aix-les-Bains "a delegation of children." One of these, clad in a Russian dress, offered him a bunch of flowers, repeating a stanza written for the occasion. M. CARNOT, amid cries of "_Vive la France!_" "_Vive la Russie!_" "_Vive Carnot!_" "_Vive la Republique!_" kissed the little girl, saying, "_J'embrasse la Russie!_"]