_Jane_ (_outside_). Please, Sir, SEAKALE would like a word with you about the Sherry you put out--it don't seem to ta--smell quite right to him. _Mrs. T._ Oh, never mind Sherry _now_. (_She scribbles on a leaf from her pocket-book._) Here, JANE, tell SEAKALE to run with this to BLANKLEY'S--quick.... There, MONTAGUE I've written to BLANKLEY'S not to send the man--they're sure to keep that sort of person on the premises; so, if SEAKALE gets there before they close, it will be all right.... Oh, don't worry so.... What? White ties! How should _I_ know where they are? You should speak to JANE. And do, for goodness sake, make haste! _I'm_ going down. _Mr. T._ (_alone_). MARIA! hi.... She's gone--and she never told me what I'm to do if this confounded fellow turns up, after all! Hang it, I must have a tie somewhere! [_He pulls out drawer after drawer of his wardrobe, in a violent flurry._ * * * * * THE RAILWAY SERVANT'S VADE MECUM. (_For Use in the Training School when the proposed Institution has been established._) _Question._ What are the duties of a Porter? _Answer._ To move passengers' luggage with the greatest possible expedition. _Q._ Is there any exception to that general rule? _A._ Yes, when the passenger is late, and there seems some doubt about the bestowal of a tip. _Q._ How would he inform passengers that they have to change carriages for, say, Felstead, Margate, Highgate, Winchester and Scarborough. _A._ By shouting, in one word, "Change-Felgit-Highchester-and-Boro!" [Illustration] _Q._ If he had to call a Cab for an elderly Lady with three boxes, or a military-looking Gentleman with an umbrella, which passenger would first claim his attention? _A._ Why, of course, the Captain. _Q._ What is the customary charge of a Guard for reserving a compartment? _A._ A shilling for closing one of the doors, half-a-crown for locking both. _Q._ What are the duties of a Booking-Clerk? _A._ If very busy, a Booking-Clerk may walk leisurely from one pigeon-hole to the other, and ask the passenger to repeat his demand, and then take some time in finding the required amount of change. If the passenger is irritable, and in a hurry, the Clerk can stop to explain, and remonstrate. In the case of an inquiry as to the progress of the trains, a busy Booking-Clerk can refer impatient passengers to the time-table hanging outside the station. _Q._ When is a Booking-Clerk usually very busy? _A._ When he happens to be in a bad temper. _Q._ Ought a suggestion from the Public that the Public will write to his superiors have any effect upon a Booking-Clerk? _A._ Not if the Public has just taken an express ticket in London either for Melbourne, Australia, or Timbuctoo. _Q._ What is the best course for the Public to pursue under such circumstances? _A._ To bear it either with or without a grin. _Q._ Is there much point about a Pointsman? _A._ Not after he has been on duty some eighteen hours.