_Effie._ "I WASN'T SQUINTING, MAMMA. I WAS ONLY MAKING 'DINNER EYES' AT MAJOR STUFFAM. I HEAR HE GIVES SUCH CHARMING DINNER PARTIES, AND I SHOULD SO MUCH _LIKE TO BE ASKED!_"] * * * * * TOO KIND BY HALF. ["The independence and integrity of Siam ... is a subject of great importance to the British, and more especially to the British Indian Empire."--_Lord Rosebery._ "We have in no way any intention of threatening the independence of Siam."--_M. Develle._] _British Tar sings, someway after Mr. Rudyard Kipling's "Tommy."_ AIR--"_Mandalay._" "By the old Moulmein Pagoda, lookin' eastward to the sea, There's a Burma girl a settin'," an' she takes _'er_ time from _me_. But this Siam puss looks pooty, and I'm sorter bound to say "You stand back, you sailor Frenchy! that's a game as two can play!" 'Twas _my_ game at Mandalay, And _you_ seem on the same lay: You can twig my Jack a-flaunting from the Nile to Mandalay; But this I've got to say, If your 'and on 'er you lay, I shall ask you to take a 'and in a game as _men_ can play! 'Er petticoat is yaller, and 'er little cap is green, And--I shouldn't half object to interjuce 'er to my Queen! I don't want to see 'er suckin' of a Paris cigarette, And a-wastin' purchased kisses on French Bullyvards--you bet! No, I wouldn't shed no blood, But by Mekon's yaller mud, I 'ave always felt it "bizness" to take care no rival stud On my road to "far Cathay." Wot? She's fired upon your gunboats? Well, I'd like to know, yer see, If them gunboats wos cavortin' where they didn't ought to be. Your clutch upon 'er wrist, eh? Well, that's like your bloomin' cheek! She shrinks from you, my Frenchy. No, yer know if she _should_ squeak-- Give a reglar woman's squeak, Though she looks carved out o' teak-- I should think o' my own womankind, my friend, and I should--_speak_ In the British sailor's way! You'll "respect 'er Independence and Integrity," you say? Well, a man who on a woman 'is 'and would dare to lay-- Hay? _Save in the way o' kyindness!_ Why, you've capped me there, I own, Which I didn't think _that_ sentiment to Frenchies was beknown. It's a bit o' good old VIC.! But you've nicked it quick and slick. Well, I 'ope you'll square it fairly, and not lay it on too thick, In the brave old _Bismarck_ way!