The idea o' wasting ivory, silk, and peacocks' tails, and such, Upon merchants who're a trifle too much like GEORGE CANNING'S "Dutch."[A] When a fair and square Free Trader, like--well, not _un_like myself, Could stand by for to purtect 'er, and 'elp 'er--and 'im--pile pelf, Well--I can quite understand She may find your 'eavy 'and Too _kyind_ by half, my Frenchy, and prefer the British land, And the British Tar's old way. Yes; our ROSEBERY and your DEVELLE do agree--in words, no doubt, But, yer see, the Ten Commandments, in Bangkok, git turned about! "Independence and Integrity" for pooty dear Miss SIAM, Is wot _you_'re "interested in" my Frenchy,--and so I am! Only--in the game we play, Cards do turn up in a way That would stagger sly AH SIN himself. If you git in my way On my road to "Old Cathay," Or my aid this gyurl _should_ pray, I _might_ p'raps come down like thunder,--as I did in Mandalay! [Footnote A: "In matters of commerce, the fault of the Dutch Is giving too little and asking too much." _Canning's "A Political Despatch."_] * * * * * THE BATTLE OF THE SEXES.--_Middlesex_ v. _Sussex_. * * * * * AT THE WORLD'S WATER SHOW. _The performance has begun._ Captain BOYTON _has just descended the Chute in a boat, with a bevy of lightly-clad young ladies waving flags with shrill enthusiasm. Canadians, Indians, and Negroes row various craft containing Beauties of the Ballet about the Lake. An elderly Negress stands on an island, and waves a towel encouragingly at things in general. Two Clowns, accompanied by a futile individual disguised as a Frog, start to run round the margin of the Lake with a gallant determination to be funny, but abandon the attempt after making a quarter of the distance, and complete the circuit with a subdued and chastened demeanour._ _Mr. Bravo_ (_to_ Mr. BLAZZEY, _enthusiastically_). Capital show this--wonderfully well arranged! _Mr. Blazzey_ (_screwing up his eyes_). Y--yes. Better if they'd had _water_ running down the incline, though, and sent _all_ the boats in that way. _Mr. Bravo._ Don't see how they could pump up water enough for that, myself; and if they did, it would all run through at the sides! _Mr. Blazz._ (_ignoring any hydraulic difficulties_). Oh, they could have dodged that if they chose; anyway, that's how it _ought_ to have been managed! _Miss Frivell_ (_to Mr. Hoplight_). I can hardly believe this is the same place where BUFFALO BILL gave his performance only last year, can you? It all looks so different! [Illustration: "I find no difficulty in recognising it, myself."]