_I. M._ I am so glad you like it. I daresay you could write it out for me? _H. V. B._ Oh, certainly. Beautiful! Only wants a little amplification to take the musical world by storm. _I. M._ (_much pleased_). You really are exceedingly complimentary. You are indeed. I suppose it could be scored for an orchestra? _H. V. B._ I should think so. I will turn it into a march for the Cavalry. _I. M._ And for the Infantry, too? You see, there might be jealousy if you didn't. _H. V. B._ Quite so. And there should be marches for the Artillery and Engineers. Then of course we should have a version to be played by the Navy, first in fine weather and then in a storm. _I. M._ I think we ought to do as much. And of course the children should have a version suitable for their shrill voices. And it could be used as an opera, and played on the organ. All this, of course, you could manage? _H. V. B._ Certainly, you may be sure it shall become universally popular. I will score it for every conceivable instrument, and every possible audience. It shall be played or sung in hospitals, railway stations, schools, and in fact everywhere! _I. M._ It shall! But there must be one version teaching a man how to play the tune with a solitary finger. _H. V. B._ May I venture to ask by whom that last version will be used? _I. M._ Why, old Double Bass, can't you guess? Why, man alive, I shall play from it myself! [_Tableau and Curtain._ * * * * * NOVELTIES IN GASTRONOMY. Talk about the Chinese eating dogs and cats, and the partiality of the South Sea Islanders for Missionary, what price this, from the _Daily Telegraph?_-- ROAST COOK (single) WANTED, for large hotel. State age, and last reference. The cannibal advertiser evidently is a _gourmet_, for he is particular as to age, and never eats them married. Or is it that he likes them single in preference to double, as, _per contra_, one might prefer double stout to single stout. After this, we shall expect such delicacies as Boiled Butler, Sauce Maître d'Hotel, Fried Footman, garnished with Calves-foot jelly, or Pickled Pageboy with Button mushrooms. Every fashion must have some inaugurator; and who knows but that we are on the eve of cannibalism, and that the Advertiser and the _Daily Telegraph_ are its joint pioneers! * * * * * OUR BOOKING-OFFICE.