No novels now, but novelettes; Cigars give place to cigarettes. Titanic "suns" to twinkling "stars," Pictures to sketches, "pomes" to "pars"; Bonnets to things like housemaids' caps, Banquets to tit-bits, books to scraps, And three-vol novels to "short stories." Gibbon-like length and epic glories, Like mammoths and cave-bears, are gone, Earth brings not back the mastodon; The microbe takes its place. They kill us Not by a giant, but bacillus. Monsters, huge dragons, Laidly Worms, We fear no more, 'tis unseen "germs" That floor us in our life's full pride. We want a "Jack the Germicide," And not the Giant Killer now. Behemoth and the big bow-wow Are gone; for aught not smart and little We do not care one jot or tittle! * * * * * FAMILIAR LATIN QUOTATION (_adapted for the use of Empire, Alhambra, and Music Halls generally_).--"_Spectaculum veniunt_; _venit inspector_; _out tipsy_." * * * * * [Illustration: IMPROVEMENTS IN THE HOUSE OF COMMONS. II.--IMPROVED KITCHEN ARRANGEMENTS.] * * * * * BEAUTIES OF BOLOGNA. Not those, along the route prescribed To see them in a hurry, Church, palace, gallery, described By worthy Mr. MURRAY. Nor those detailed as well by whom But BAEDEKER, the German; The choir, the nave, the font, the tomb, The pulpit for the sermon. No tourist traps which tire you out, A never-ending worry; Most interesting things, no doubt, Described by Mr. MURRAY. Nor yet, O gastronomic mind-- In cookery a boss, sage In recipes--you will not find, I mean Bologna sausage. Not beauties, which, perhaps, you class With your own special curry; Not beauties, which we must not pass If led by Mr. MURRAY. I sing--alas, how very ill!-- Those beauties of the city, The praise of whose dark eyes might fill A much more worthy ditty. O, Ladies of Bologna, who The coldest heart might flurry, I much prefer to study you Than BAEDEKER or MURRAY! Those guide-book sights no longer please; Three hours still, _tre ore_, I have to lounge and look at these _Bellissime signore_. Then slow express--South Western goes Much faster into Surrey-- Will take me off to other shows Described by Mr. MURRAY. But still, _Signore_, there will be, By your sweet faces smitten, One Englishman who came to see What BAEDEKER has written. Let BAEDEKER then see the lot In frantic hurry-scurry. I've found some beauties which are not Described by Mr. MURRAY. * * * * * CLIO AT SALCOMBE. (_Funeral of James Anthony Froude._)