Punch, Or the London Charivari Volume 107, October 27th 1894 edited by Sir Francis Burnand [Illustration: AN INFORMAL INTRODUCTION. _'Arry (shouting across the street to his "Pal")._ "HI! BILL! THIS IS 'ER!"] * * * * * POLYCHROME ENGLISH. _A short suburban dialogue, illustrating the deplorable downward spread of the New Colour-descriptiveness, as exemplified in such works as the "Arsenic Buttonhole."_ SCENE--_Peckham._ CHARACTERS--BILL, _a Greengrocer_. JIM, _an Oil and Colour Man_. _Jim._ 'Ow are yer, BILL? Fine pink morning, yn't it? _Bill._ Um, a shyde too migenta for me, mate--'ow's yerself? _Jim._ Oh, I'm just gamboge, and the missus, she's bright vermilion. 'Ow's _your_ old Dutch? _Bill._ She's a bit off colour. Pussonally, I'm feelin' lemon yaller, hall through a readin' o' this yer Pioneer kid. _Jim._ Buck up, mate; you've no call to be yaller, nor a perminent bloo, heither! 'Ow's tryde? _Bill._ Nothin' doin'. Wy, I ain't sold an indigo cabbige or a chocolate tater to-day. It's enuff to myke a cove turn blackleg, s'elp me! _Jim._ Well, I'm a tyking pupils--leastways, I've a young josser of a bankclurk come messin' around my pyntshop, wantin' to know wot sort o' _noise_ raw humber mykes, an' wot's the _feel_ o' rose madder. I gives 'im the tip--'arf a crown a go! _Bill._ Well, that _is_ a tyke-down! 'E must be a bloomin' green-horn! _Jim._ Yus, a carnation green-horn, you tyke it from me! I've done 'im vandyke brown, _I_ tell yer! I don't think 'e'll hever pynt the tarn red! _Bill._ Blymy, you're a knockout! Look 'ere, mate, now you've got the ochre, you'll stand 'arf a quartern at the "Blue Pig," eh? [_Exeunt ambo._ * * * * * By an Old Bachelor. "Are children humorous?" the _Spectator_ asks. Practical jokers are they, every one of them; Their laughter my poor tympanum sorely tasks, But I'll be hanged if I can see the _fun_ of them! * * * * * LETTERS FROM A DÉBUTANTE. My Dear MARJORIE,--You remember CECIL CASHMORE? Of course no theatricals could be a success unless he took the entire management. He is a celebrated private performer, and his name is frequently seen in "Amateur Dramatic Notes," where he is freely compared to COQUELIN, ARTHUR ROBERTS, IRVING, and CHARLES KEAN, in his earlier manner--I mean CHARLES KEANE'S earlier manner, not CECIL'S. He always greets me with, "Oh, I'm so afraid of you. I believe you're very cross with me"; and his parting words are invariably "_Good_-bye; I'm coming to see you _so_ soon!" CISSY--everyone calls him CISSY--seems to be a little particular, not to say fidgetty.