They were all fast "friends" of Erin, they'd declared so o'er and o'er, But HEALY scorned O'BRIEN, and deemed Honest JOHN a bore; While REDMOND called them liars all, and sycophants, and swore _He_ wouldn't hold a candle to MCCARTHY. There wasn't much to foight about save mutual hate and spleen, And yet such a shillelagh-foight at Donnybrook ne'er was seen; Black oies, red noses! Faith it looked as though they'd strew the Green Wid the fragments of the "Chief" they called MCCARTHY. _Chorus._--For DILLON went for HEALY'S nose, &c. And all their inimies looked on, and laughed as they would doie; And every friend of Erin wiped a tear from sorrow's oie; Saying "If such friends of Unity why ever don't they trroy To show a firm united Oirish Parthy?" Sighed Erin "Would to Providence this faction-foight were done! It breaks the hearts of pathriots, to my foes 'tis purest fun, _Why_ can't they sthop these parthy-sphlits and merge them into One? That's all that now is needed,--ax MCCARTHY!" _Chorus._ But DILLON goes for HEALY'S chump, He at O'BRIEN aims a thump, And REDMOND hits all round with anger hearthy; And the sticks they still go whacking, And the skulls they still are cracking. Whosoever tries to lead the Oirish Parthy! * * * * * [Illustration: "WIGS ON THE GREEN!" OR, THE FRIENDS OF UNITED IRELAND(?).] * * * * * IN MEMORIAM. LOUIS PHILIPPE ALBERT D'ORLÉANS, COMTE DE PARIS. DIED AT STOWE HOUSE, BUCKINGHAMSHIRE, SEPT. 8, 1894. A ROYAL exile, and our England's guest, Let English church-bells chime him to his rest, Whilst English hearts respectfully condole With a devoted wife's sore-sorrowing soul. Not as the heir of a too shadowy crown, Who knew long exile's ache, and fortune's frown, But as a friend who long with us did dwell, And a brave man who bore fierce suffering well, We grieve for him, and bow as sounds his passing bell. * * * * * A SUGGESTED ADDENDUM.--In the course of a sharply-written article in this month's _The Theatre Magazine_ (under the editorship of FREDERICK HAWKINS), Mr. CLEMENT SCOTT, while indignantly repelling the charge of venality brought against French dramatic critics by their compatriot M. ALEXANDRE DUMAS, observes, referring to English authors, "_We have our DUMASES on this side of the Channel_." Undeniably. And, we may add, "Would they were Dumb-asses!" * * * * * OUR NATIONAL DEFENCES. (_By Mr. Punch's Own Veteran Expert._)