Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 108, March 2nd 1895Various
General
Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 108, March 2nd 1895
Various
English wit and humor -- Periodicals
At the re-opening of the Royal United Service Institution last week by
H.R.H. the Prince of WALES, in new premises at Whitehall, a novel and
ingenious electrical instrument was exhibited. By means of this
addition to the list of communicators a general in the field is able
not only to send an autograph letter to a colleague or subordinate at
a distance, but also to convey in _fac simile_ a drawing of his own
composition. On the occasion to which reference is made, the Prince of
WALES sent a message to his brother. To this despatch the Duke of
CONNAUGHT was obliged to respond that he did not quite understand its
full meaning. According to the reports some slight error was
rectified, and then the machine worked to everyone's satisfaction.
However, the fact remains that the initial attempt to convey
intelligibly a message was not entirely successful. To impress upon
those answerable for the perfect action of the instrument the
importance of their task, we subjoin an imaginary scene of a nearly
impossible situation. We will assume that a commander-in-chief is
conversing with a general in the field some ten miles distant.
_Commander-in-Chief_ (_wiring_). We hear here that a force of
twenty-five thousand infantry are advancing by the Dover road with a
view to turning your left front.
_General in the Field._ Kindly repeat. (_Message repeated._) No, we do
not want any more marmalade, as we have plenty of butter.
_C.-in-C._ I said nothing about marmalade, I was talking of the enemy.
Twenty-five thousand men are advancing on your left front.
_Gen._ I think I now understand what you mean, but we can't get near
Woolwich, because our gas has failed us. However, we will look out for
the twenty-five thousand balloons you say are coming.
_C.-in-C._ I said nothing about balloons. Infantry, I spoke of. They
are approaching by the Dover Road.
_Gen._ Thank you for your offer, but we have plenty of hammocks. We
have just seen this. Can you identify her? I forward sketch.
_C.-in-C._ You have sent me what appears to be a drawing of either a
grand pianoforte or a hippopotamus. Which is it?
_Gen._ It is very difficult to make out your messages. We think we
understand your last. Yes, the mail to India did start without the
elephants. We did not know that any had been ordered.
_C.-in-C._ I said nothing about elephants. What is the meaning of your
drawing?
_Gen._ Very sorry; can't make out your message. Besides, have no more
time for telegraphing. Twenty-five thousand infantry of the enemy have
just been noticed on the Dover Road, threatening our left front. Why
did you not tell us they were coming?
But of course, as we have already said, when the hour arrives
everything will be in perfect working order. It is to be hoped that
there will be a supplementary signal to be used in cases of extreme
emergency, to decide promptly a line of action where two courses are
open for adoption. It might signify "Toss up."
* * * * *
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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