Nursery Rhyme for the New Woman. (_When Literary._) I had a brutal husband, as is our sex's doom, I put him in a problem-novel; then I made it boom! I bought a little "Log-roller" who twaddled up and down, Discovered it, and slavered it, and made it take the town. But meaner beauties of my sex declared I wore blue hose, And at my Gospel of Revolt cocked each a pretty nose. * * * * * "THE RIVALS" AT THE A. D. C. [Illustration] Once again I salute you, oh actors of the Cambridge A. D. C., and congratulate you on your rendering of _The Rivals_--no mean task for a body of amateur actors. Specially do I note the admirably and grotesquely humorous impersonation of _Mrs. Malaprop_ by Mr. R. A. AUSTEN LEIGH. Will the elaborate Wildean paradoxes have to a future generation the freshness and the laughter-provoking qualities of _Mrs. Malaprop's_ derangements? I doubt it. At Cambridge the other day I saw a learned Doctor of Letters in convulsions over the Malapropian sallies. Will a Doctor of Letters towards the end of the next century be seen to smile over OSCAR'S inversions? Mr. R. BALFOUR made an excellent _Bob Acres_, broad in his characterisation, self-possessed and clear. I should have called him, however, a trifle too smart and modish in dress. Mr. GEIKIE was very effective in the rages of _Sir Anthony_, and Mr. WATSON played well as _Jack Absolute_. Admirable, too, was the _Fag_ of Mr. TALBOT. The leading ladies were, as usual, miracles of curls and divine complexions. Yet did their voices and their hands bewray them. We were fortunately spared the gloomy maunderings of _Julia_ and _Faulkland_. "Hearty congratters," as they say at the sister university. A VAGRANT. * * * * * HER PUZZLE.--"I recollect," quoth Mrs. R., "a sort of riddle that used to puzzle me when I was a child, and I can't say I quite see the answer now. It is this: 'If DICK'S uncle is TOM'S son, what relation is DICK to JOHN?'" * * * * * "THE RIGHT MAN IN THE WRONG PLACE."--LABBY, M.P., in the Unionist Lobby, Monday, February 18. * * * * * [Illustration: _Son of Toil._ "OW YUS, ME AN' MY MISSUS GITS ON FUST-CLORSS TERGITHER, SIR. REG'LAR CHUMMY, WE ORE. I TELLS 'ER EVERYTHINK!" _Philanthropist._ "EVER TELL HER A LIE?" _Son of Toil._ "TELLS 'ER EVERYTHINK, I TELL YER----!"] * * * * * THE ADVISABILITY OF NOT BEING BROUGHT UP IN A HANDBAG. A TRIVIAL TRAGEDY FOR WONDERFUL PEOPLE. (_Fragment found between the St. James's and Haymarket Theatres_). AUNT AUGUSTA (_an Aunt_). COUSIN CICELY (_a Ward_). ALGY (_a Flutterpate_). DORIAN (_a Button-hole_). THE DUKE OF BERWICK. TIME--_The other day._ _The_ SCENE _is in a garden, and begins and ends with relations_.