I have the honour to surmise that no definite purpose will be achieved through the diplomatic channel of the Book-keeper. He states that he prefers to keep himself to himself. Mr. Blenkins has already asked for his office cuffs, and a final severance of relations is imminent. I have not yet handed him his cuffs, which I have ventured to sequestrate on the ground that they are spotted with our ink. 12. _From J. H. B. to A. M._ Retain the cuffs pending diplomatic action from Mr. Theodore. 13. _From J. H. B. to Brother Theodore._ I enclose copies of correspondence relative to Blenkins' attempt to claim possession of our ink-spots. If in your opinion this constitutes a _casus belli_, I beg you to approach him with such menaces as are not inconsistent with the continuance of diplomatic relations. 14. _From T. B. to J. H. B._ In view of the gravity of the crisis, I have taken legal opinion. If the cuffs were not only spotted with our ink, but were also clipped with our scissors, then they are _ipso facto_ and _ad hoc_ to be considered as neutral territory within the meaning of the Statutes of International Office Law. 15. _From J. H. B. to A. M._ You should immediately ascertain, through the proper channels, if and (or) when and (or) how Blenkins clipped the cuffs. In the meantime you will convey to him that we should not be disposed to view with indifference any attempt on his part to violate the frontiers of neutral territory. 16. _From A. M. to J. H. B._ Blenkins has gone! 17. _Chorus of the Diplomats._ The resources of Diplomacy were strained to the uttermost. * * * * * [Illustration: REVEILLE. _Sergeant._ "NOW, THEN, TURN OUT! SHOW A LEG, YOU BLANKETY LANDLUBBERS!"] * * * * * LETTERS TO HAUPTMANN. [_GERHART HAUPTMANN, the German dramatist and poet, has nominated Lord CURZON as Viceroy of England when it becomes a German province._] If you'd trample on the Briton And secure his just abasement, Well, I think you might have written First to me. (Signed) ROGER CASEMENT. If only as a recompense For my expenditure of jaw And anti-British "common-sense," Why not yours truly, BERNARD SHAW? Would you avoid a bad rebellion? The man for you is CHARLES TREVELYAN. Since all the Dublin Corporation Protest against my resignation, My long experience vice-regal Might mollify the German eagle If he should nest on College Green. Yours amicably, ABERDEEN. Believe me, CURZON'S haughty hand Would lie too heavy on the land; No, to appease the British Isles Appoint yours truly, WILLIAM BYLES. I fear the freedom-loving British Under Lord CURZON might grow skittish; Far better knit the nations twain Under a more pacific reign: For instance, BRUNNER'S; he's beyond Reproach. Yours ever, ALFRED MOND.