Each tripper, it seems, will be guided By leaders of courage and skill; Free bedding and board are provided; Expenses are little, or _nil_; A welcome delightfully hearty, And sport that at least is unique, Await every man of the party.... We leave in a week. Good-bye, then, old dear, for the winter; Expect me in London by May (Unless a stray bullet or splinter Should lead to a trifling delay); From rumours--of which there are plenty-- I gather the fun will begin At Calais, whence, _Deo volente_, We tramp to Berlin. * * * * * NEW METHODS OF FRIGHTFULNESS. ["The Siberians have refused to have their beards cut, saying that the shagginess frightens the Germans." No doubt the adaptable enemy will not be behindhand in this method of warfare.] The Frighten-em-to-Death's-Head Hussars, in their brilliant charge yesterday, were greatly aided by the fact that, before going into action, they had burnt-corked their faces. The effect upon the _moral_ of the enemy was disastrous, the terrified troops flying in confusion. * * * The 1914 conscripts, who, as is well known, have yet to go into action, must not be supposed to be lying idle; they are being rendered irresistible by a severe training in the use of the grimace, which is likely to take the place of the bayonet as a means of clearing enemy trenches. The CROWN PRINCE himself has frequently given instruction to the troops, although, in the interests of the men, it has been found necessary for the demonstrations to be carried on through sheets of smoked glass. * * * KRUPPS have largely abandoned the manufacture of big guns, and have now laid down plant for the construction of five million masks of a hideousness without parallel. Samples tested by the Black Pomeranians prove that any one of these masks has the power to drive a force of a thousand men into instant and complete insensibility. * * * With regard to the new crop reports, it must be remembered that fields hitherto intended for the growing of wheat and barley have, under a new order from the Imperial War Department, been planted with roots for the manufacture of the terrifying turnip-ghosts now required by the German army. * * * * * THE LAST LINE. VI. Our uniform--or, if that is too military a word, our academical costume--is officially announced to be "grey-green," the colour of the sea at 7.30 in the morning, when you decide that you have forgotten your towel and had better have a hot bath quietly at home. I don't know how invisible we shall be as soldiers, but anchored off the Maplin Sands we should deceive anybody. Where are the Buoys of the Old Brigade? Ah, where indeed! Even as marines we should have our value.