_The Kaiser._ Well, move them. What are troops for except to be moved about? You can always move them back again, you know. I keep on moving troops forward and backward all the time. It's a mere nothing when you once get accustomed to it. Just you try it and see. Anything more? _The King._ Yes; I'm to release from prison the followers of the pestilential VENIZELOS. _The Kaiser._ That's unpleasant, of course, for a patent Greek War-Lord; but I should do it if I were you, and then you can let me know how it feels. _The King._ Look here, William, I don't know what's the matter with you, but I wish you wouldn't try to be so funny. You seem to think the whole affair's a sort of German joke. So it is, by Zeus--that's to say it's no joke at all. _The Kaiser._ Manners, TINO, manners. _The King._ I'm sick and tired of all this talk. _The Kaiser._ If you go on like that I shall not talk to you any more. _The King._ Don't say that; I could not bear such a loss. But, seriously, are you going to help as you promised? _The Kaiser._ I cannot help you now. You must play for time. _The King._ I've exhausted all the possibilities of playing for time. It wouldn't be the least good. They really mean it this time, and they've given me a strictly limited period for compliance. _The Kaiser._ Well, I suppose you know best, but I should have thought you could have spun out negotiations for a hit--given them a little promise here and a little promise there on the chance of something turning up. _The King._ The long and the short of it is that you promised to help us, but it was only a little promise here or there, and you don't mean to keep it. I shall accept the ultimatum. _The Kaiser._ The what? The telephone's buzzing again. _The King._ The ULTIMATUM!! _The Kaiser._ Oh, the ultimatum. Yes, by all means accept it. And, by the way, I'm publishing a volume of my War-speeches, and will make a point of sending you an early copy. You might get it reviewed in the Athens papers. _The King._ Gr-r-r. * * * * * OUR HELPFUL GOVERNMENT. "Don't grow potatoes where they will not grow. OFFICIAL ADVICE."--_Daily Express._ * * * * * JOURNALISTIC MODESTY. "The sale of yesterday's Christmas Number of the _Daily Gazette_ already exceeds that of last year's Christmas Number by more than 50 per cent. The sell is still going on actively."--_Daily Gazette (Karachi)._ * * * * * "Yes, I think we have it at last--I mean the stranglehold round the enemy's neck. I seem to hear the death rattle in his guttural throat."--_Sunday Pictorial._ And to see the glazing of his ocular eyes. * * * * *