[Illustration: MRS. BROMPTON RHODES (WHO HAS BEEN WORKING ON THE LAND) FINDS IT IMPOSSIBLE TO ARRANGE THE FLOWERS ON HER DINING-TABLE WITHOUT DONNING HER SMOCK AND CORDUROYS.] [Illustration: LADY ALBERT HALL (FORMERLY A RED-CROSS AMBULANCE DRIVER) DEALS WITH A BREAK-DOWN OF HER CAR IN BOND STREET.] [Illustration: THE HON. MRS. KENSINGTON GORE (ONCE A MUNITION-WORKER) IS INFORMED THAT SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH THE TAP OF HER SCULLERY SINK.] * * * * * AFTER THE WAR: THE WAR-WORK HABIT. [Illustration: THE DUCHESS OF PIMLICO (WHO USED TO ENTERTAIN CONVALESCENT SOLDIERS AT HER COUNTRY SEATS) GIVES A GARDEN PARTY AT PIMLICO HOUSE, BELGRAVIA.] [Illustration: THE COUNTESS OF KNIGHTSBRIDGE AND HER CHARMING DAUGHTERS (WHO HAVE ALL BEEN WORKING IN CANTEENS) CANNOT AT ONCE ACCUSTOM THEMSELVES TO THE ORDINARY AMENITIES OF AFTERNOON "AT HOMES."] * * * * * [Illustration: _Sergeant-Major_ (_who has the professional mind_). "HE'S A GOOD MAN IN THE TRENCHES, SIR, AND A GOOD MAN IN A SCRAP, SIR; BUT YOU'LL NEVER MAKE A SOLDIER OF HIM."] [Illustration: _Sergeant-Major_ (_to nervous gunner who has got mixed up with drag-rope_). "WHAT WERE YOU BEFORE YOU JOINED THE ARMY? A SNAKE-CHARMER?"] * * * * * [Illustration: HOME-MADE MUNITIONS.] * * * * * [Illustration: "HEAVENS, SERGEANT, WHAT'S THIS?" "THAT JOKE OF MINE, YOU KNOW--WHEN I ASK A RECRUIT WHO'S BEEN THROWN, 'WHO THE DEVIL ASKED YOU TO DISMOUNT, SIR?' WELL, HERE'S ONE OF THE PAPERS SAYS IT'S THE OLDEST WHEEZE IN THE WORLD!"] [Illustration: WHY NOT V.A.D. SECTION OF VIVANDIÈRES AT OUR THEATRE-BARS TO RENDER FIRST AID TO ANY RECKLESS YOUTH WHO HAS THE TEMERITY TO TAKE A THEATER WHISKY?] * * * * * A FALSE ALARM. [Illustration: "CALL ME AT SEVEN SHARP."] BOOM! BANG! CRASH! "OH, ZEPPS?" "I WAS AFRAID IT WAS TIME TO GET UP!"] * * * * * THE COMPLETE FILM ACTOR. [Illustration: "ARE YOU A GOOD PUGILIST?"] Mr. Percy Garrick Smithers, actor, finding the path to fame less smooth on the legitimate stage than he believed it to be by the Cinema route, went to a producer of film plays and offered his services. "Yes," said the producer, "I might possibly give you lead in a big sensational I am about to put up. Are you a good pugilist?" "I have indulged a little in the pastime of sparring," answered Percy. "Good," said the producer. "You see, the picture opens with Bill Bloodred, the champion prize-fighter, demanding certain documents from his aged uncle. As the latter won't surrender the papers. Bill gives him a swinging blow to the jaw, a few more heavy ones to various other parts of the body, and then proceeds to kick the old man to death as the latter lies helpless on the floor. It's one of those thrilling scenes the juveniles like so much! Then _you_ come in and tackle Bill." "Quite so," said Percy.