Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 152, June 27, 1917: 1917 AlmanackVarious
General
Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 152, June 27, 1917: 1917 Almanack
Various
English wit and humor -- Periodicals
"A terrific fight ensues. Bill surpasses anything he has ever done
in the ring, and it goes on until at last you collapse. Bill escapes,
leaving you for dead. Do you catch the idea?"
"Pretty well," said Percy.
[Illustration: "IT IS YOURSELF _VERSUS_ THE POLICE."]
"Now Bill goes straight away to the police office and states that
you have murdered his uncle. When you come to, you are surrounded by
about twenty members of the police force, the chief of whom slips the
handcuffs over your wrists. With one wrench you snap the chain and are
free!"
"With _one_ wrench?" asked Percy, to be sure he was getting the
details correctly.
"With one wrench. Then ensues another big struggle. This time it is
yourself _versus_ the police."
"The twenty?"
"Quite right. After some time you show signs of weakening, and the
police look like getting the upper hand."
"Ah!" remarked Percy.
"But just then Mignon, the old man's daughter, emerges from behind
a screen. She tells the police the facts and proclaims your absolute
innocence."
"Good!" said Percy.
[Illustration: "YOU ARE SEEN FALLING, FALLING, FALLING."]
"The chief of the police thereupon shakes you by the hand and
apologises. You indicate that it will now be your life's work to bring
the assassin, Bill, to justice, and then you quit. I should mention
that before leaving you fall in love with Mignon, and promise that
on your return you'll marry her at once. That parting scene will
want a bit of acting. Your countenance must show successive degrees
of pain, as if you had eaten something that was disagreeing with
your digestion; and you mustn't omit the most effective suffering
expression of all--chin raised, mouth open, eyelids closed
tightly--just as if you were about to sneeze. You'll find your
experience on the stage quite useful, you know."
"Oh, quite, quite," agreed Percy.
"Now you are out in the street. You seize the first motor-car at
hand, and start off on the grand hunt after Bill. Through the crowded
streets, out into the country highway, you fly at a terrific speed.
Up the mountain passes you race, down precipitous slopes with
every-increasing momentum. Every moment, it seems, will be your last.
But you come safely through."
"Certainly," said Percy.
"That is to say--almost. Unfortunately, in turning a sharp corner, the
car plunges into the waters of a rapid mountain torrent!"
"Dear, dear!" said Percy.
"But you come safely through--"
Percy heaved a sigh of relief.
[Illustration: "YOU FOLLOW HIM."]
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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