Yet in the haunted midnight hours, When star-shells droop through the shattered trees, Steal they back to their ancient bowers, Beau Brocade and his Belle Marquise? Greatly loving and greatly daring-- Fancy, perhaps, but the fancy grips, _For a junior subaltern woke up swearing That a gracious lady had kissed his lips._ * * * * * COMMERCIAL CANDOUR. From a butcher's advertisement:-- "TOUGH & INDIFFERENT MEAT IS DEAR AT ANY PRICE. TRY ------ & Sons And prove it for yourselves." * * * * * "A certain amount of discussion took place, and it was acknowledged that the number of horses in training had been exagggerated."--_Daily Chronicle_. Nevertheless there is certainly one gee too many. * * * * * The _Lokalanzeiger_ publishes an appeal for a new German National Anthem. We understand that the best composition that has been sent in up to the time of going to press begins as follows:-- Who is WILLIAM? What is he That all our swine adore him? * * * * * ROYAL ACADEMY DEPRESSIONS. [Illustration: _The Plough Girl_. "NOW THEN, MABEL, NOT SO MUCH POSING OR YOU'LL HAVE THE HORSES BUMPING INTO THAT RAINBOW."] [Illustration: _Old Lady_ (_regarding the mannequin_). "I DON'T THINK THAT DRESS WOULD REALLY SUIT ME. CHIN-CHIN DOESN'T SEEM TO CARE ABOUT IT EITHER."] [Illustration: THE UNHAPPY DINER WHO HAS BEEN REFUSED A SECOND HELPING.] [Illustration: _Mr. Martin Harvey_.--"IT IS A FAR, FAR BETTER _HAMLET_ THAN ANYONE HAS EVER DONE."] [Illustration: THE MUTUAL ADMIRATION OF THE BRETON AND THE BISHOP.] [Illustration: _The Terrier_. "EXCUSE ME, GUV'NOR, BUT WHEN YOU'VE FINISHED READING THE DESPATCHES YOU MIGHT LOOK AND SEE IF THEY'RE GOING TO DO ANYTHING ABOUT _US_."] [Illustration: _The Angel and the Veteran_ (_to conscientious objector_). "YOUNG MAN, WHAT DID _YOU_ DO IN THE GREAT WAR?"] * * * * * THE JOLLY BARGEMAN. I've put the old mare's tail in plaits, now ain't she lookin' gay? With ribbons in 'er mane as well--you'd think it First o' May; For why? we're under Government, though it ain't just plain to me If we're in the Civil Service or the Admiralitee. An' it's "Gee-hup, Mabel," oh, we'll do the best we're able, For we're servin' of our country an' we're 'elpin' 'er to win; An' when the War is over then we'll all lie down in clover, With a drink all together at the "Navigation Inn"! I brought the news to Missis, an' to 'er these words did say, "Just chuck yon old broom-'andle an' a two-three nails this way, We're bound to 'ave a flagstaff for our old red-white-and-blue, For since we're under Government we'll 'ave our ensign too."