The Navy is the Navy, an' it sails upon the sea; The Army is the Army, an' on land it 'as to be; There's the land an' there's the water, 'an the Cut comes in between, And I don't know what you'd call me if it ain't an 'Orse Marine. The Missis sits upon the barge the same's she used to sit, But they'll 'ave 'er in the papers now for doin' of her bit; An' I walk upon the tow-path 'ere as proud as anything-- If I 'aven't got no uniform I'm serving of the KING. An' it's "Gee-hup, Mabel," an' we'll do the best we're able, For the country's been an' called us, an' we've got to 'elp to win; An' when the War is over, oh, we'll all lie down in clover, With a drink all together at the "Navigation Inn." C.F.S. * * * * * [Illustration: OUR MIXED ARMY. _First Recruit_. "'ERE--TELL OLD BALD-'EAD TO BUNG THE SALT OVER." _Second Recruit_. "ER--MIGHT I TROUBLE YOU FOR THE SALT, SIR?"] * * * * * THE OPEN DOOR. Mr. Punch has thought that some of his hospitable readers might be glad to have the opportunity of giving the welcome of their houses, in however simple a way, to Australian soldiers on leave, who would greatly appreciate the chance of seeing something of English home life. An "Invitation Bureau" has been opened at the "Anzac" Buffet, 94, Victoria Street, where offers of entertainment should be addressed. * * * * * "The Military Representative appealed against the exemption of William Blake, aged 35, unmarried, a slaughterman in the employment of Mr. George Rigg, pork butcher. The Military Representative suggested that Mr. Rigg should slaughter himself. Mr. Rigg stated that he could not slaughter himself."--_Carlisle Journal_. Compare _The Mikado_:-- _Koko_. "Besides, I don't see how a man could cut off his own head." _Pooh-Bah_. "A man might try." * * * * * [Illustration: HIS LATEST. THE KAISER. "THIS IS SORRY WORK FOR A HOHENZOLLERN; STILL, NECESSITY KNOWS NO TRADITIONS."] * * * * * ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT. _Monday, May 7th_.--The Royal House has found an unexpected defender in Mr. OUTHWAITE. He alone has perceived the hidden danger underlying the recent proposal of the Lower House of Convocation to restore KING CHARLES I. to his old place in the Church Calendar. This, he considers, is a direct encouragement to the persons who seek the restoration of the Stuart dynasty, and would make Prince RUPPRECHT of Bavaria heir-apparent to the British Throne. The House was relieved to hear from Mr. BRACE that there was no immediate danger of this contingency. Indeed, Prince RUPPRECHT has had so much trouble already with his prospective subjects that he has probably no desire for their closer acquaintance.