"Precisely what I anticipated. A deserter came over yesterday who was through it all and didn't intend to go through it again. They had got the wind up properly, he said, hadn't had a wink of sleep for a week. His officers had scratched themselves bald-headed trying to guess what it was all about. All ranks stood to continuously, up to their waists in mud, frozen stiff and half drowned, while _my_ brave little rogues of _poilus_, mark you, slept warm in their dug-outs, and the only man on duty was the lad who was touching the fireworks off. O friend of mine, there is much innocent fun to be got out of the Boche if you'll only give him a chance!" PATLANDER. * * * * * [Illustration: _Verger_ (_to Mrs. Smith, about to wed for fourth time_). "VERY UNUSUAL INDEED, MRS. SMITH. I CAN'T REMEMBER ANY OF THE OTHER THREE BEING QUITE SO LATE AS THIS."] * * * * * "The position of men who were not 41 before June 24, 1917, and who have since attained 41 is again the subject of much confusion."--_Daily Dispatch_. We can well believe this. * * * * * [Illustration: _Mollie_ (_who has been naughty and condemned to "no toast"_). "OH, MUMMY! ANYTHING BUT THAT! I'D RATHER HAVE A HARD SMACK--_ANYWHERE YOU LIKE_."] * * * * * A CURE FOR CURIOSITY. (_An Idealistic Fable_.) Alfonso Ebenezer Scutt Could never keep his mouth close shut; And when I mention that his tongue Was flexible and loosely hung, You will begin to understand Why he was honoured in our land.