A lucky _coup_ in mining shares Released him from financial cares, And though his wife was strangely plain-- A lady of Peruvian strain-- She had a handsome revenue Derived from manganese and glue. Thus fortified, in Nineteen-Six Alfonso entered politics, Ousting from Sludgeport-on-the-Ouse A Tory of old-fashioned views. Alfonso Scutt, though wont to preach In chapels, rarely made a speech, But managed very soon to climb To eminence at Question Time. Fired by insatiable thirst For knowledge, from the very first He launched upon an endless series Of quite unnecessary queries, Till overworked officials came To loathe the mention of his name. At last their anguish grew so keen The Premier had to intervene, And by a tactful master-stroke Relieved them from Alfonso's yoke. By way of liberal reward He made the childless Scutt a lord, And then despatched him on a Mission In honorific recognition Of presents sent for our relief By a renowned New Guinea Chief. The natives of those distant parts Are noted for their generous hearts, But, spite of protests raised by us, Continue anthropophagous. And this, I have no doubt, was why, When Members wished Lord Scutt good-bye, You could not see one humid eye. * * * * * The moral of this simple strain I trust is adequately plain. When people crave for information Unfit, in war, for publication, They take a line, from vice or levity, That's not conducive to longevity. * * * * * AN AFRICAN APPEAL. The Baboo must look to his laurels, for other dusky aspirants to fluent articulate culture are on the warpath, and they are by no means to be underrated. I have seen lately quite a number of letters from young studious gentlemen of Ashantee, who, having acquired a little English, desire more, and develop a passion for correspondence with English strangers, whose names they pick up. The following typical example, dated March 9th, 1917, will serve to illustrate the new habit:-- "DEAR SIR,--I am with much pleasure to indite you about your name that has come to my hand with great, joy. On the receipt of this letter, know that I want to be one of your fellow friends. You have been reported to me by a friend of mine of your good attention and benevolences. My openion of writing you is to say, I want to take you as my favourite friend. Everything or news that may be happened there at your side, I wish you to report same to me. And I also shall report same to you satisfaction. Will you be good enough to agree with me? Then I hope to get few lines of news from you being as you consented or disconsented. To have a friend at abroad is something that delights the life. I am earnestly requested to hear from you soon. I beg to detain, dear Sir, "Yrs truly, ----."