"Junior Assistant wanted to Grocery, Spirit and Provision business; send copy references and salary expected."--_Irish Paper._ Quite a promising idea for getting more capital into a business. * * * * * INVENTIONS. "Amongst a number of new inventions," says the _Frankfischer Tagwacht_, "is an imitation of the smell of Limburger cheese." This has caused some alarm and not a little interest in this country, as the following extracts will show:-- "Berlin Resident" states that he has too long been fed up with imitation meals, and for weeks past has had nothing to eat but holes from Limburger. "Cynic" remarks that it is impossible for the German scientists to defeat the WOLFF wireless at inventions. Mr. WINSTON CHURCHILL is anxious to know whether they have yet discovered a substitute for _The Morning Post_. _The Times_ Greenwich correspondent wires: "If they have invented a method whereby a news report will make a noise like 'Passed by Censor' will they wire terms?" * * * * * Inscription on a French picture post-card:-- "Une locomotive abandonée devant Thiepval. One locomotive a profligate woman forepart Thiepval." Smith minor is avenged. * * * * * [Illustration: THE REAL VOICE OF LABOUR. TOMMY. "SO YOU'RE GOING TO STOCKHOLM TO TALK TO FRITZ, ARE YOU? WELL, I'M GOING BACK TO FRANCE TO _FIGHT_ HIM."] * * * * * ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT. _Monday, August 6th._--This being Bank Holiday and the first fine day after a week's downpour, Members for the most part stayed away from Westminster. Some, it is charitably supposed, have gone to look after their allotments. Others, it is believed, have been kept away by a different reason. The taxicab-drivers, men constitutionally averse from extortion, have refused to enter the railway-station yards so long as the companies persist in exacting from them a whole penny for the privilege. Consequently some of our week-ending legislators are reported to be interned at Waterloo and Paddington, sitting disconsolately upon their portmanteaux. As an appeal to the Board of Trade elicited nothing more from Mr. G. ROBERTS than a disclaimer of personal responsibility, it is expected that redress will be sought from the Taxi-cabinet. Mr. HENDERSON'S dual personality continues to arouse curiosity. There was some justification for Mr. KING'S inquiry whether he went to Petrograd as a Ministerial _Jekyll_ or a Labourist _Hyde_. Mr. BONAR LAW assured the House that on this occasion at least Mr. HENDERSON went purely as a Cabinet Minister, guiltless of any duplicity.