Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 153, December 12, 1917Various
History
Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 153, December 12, 1917
Various
English wit and humor -- Periodicals
_Wednesday, December 5th._--Not long ago Lord ROBERT CECIL referred to
a rumour that the German Government intended to encourage polygamy.
Mr. KING, shocked to discover that this charge rested upon a statement
in a neutral newspaper, protested against the practice of making
speeches "on such miserable foundations." As the bulk of the hon.
Member's own utterances have a similar basis the retort was almost too
obvious; and Mr. BALFOUR in making it must have felt as if he had shot
his bird sitting.
The courage of the hero who took up the challenge: "Whoever shall
these boots displace, must meet Bombastes face to face," was
comparatively nothing to that of Mr. H.W. FORSTER, who in the
interests of economy has promised to limit the height of women's
boots. There will be much stamping of lofty heels at this ukase. Sir
JOHN REES thought another order lengthening skirts was the logical
corollary, and so it is if the Government really want "to make both
ends meet." But Mr. FORSTER showed no disposition to embark upon
petticoat government.
Irish Nationalists worked themselves into seven different kinds
of fury over the decision of the Government to apply the rules of
arithmetic to the redistribution of seats in their beloved country.
Mr. DILLON threatened the House with the possibility that at the
next General Election he and his colleagues might be wiped out of
existence. Scared by this awful prospect so many Liberals voted
against the closure that the Government only escaped defeat by 29.
_Thursday, December 6th._--The prospect of an all-night sitting
rendered the House unusually irritable. Mr. HEALY fulminated at Sir
E. CARSON (who was not present) in language that reminded Colonel
SHARMAN-CRAWFORD of "a low police-court." Mr. DILLON'S high top note
was ceaselessly employed in emitting adjectives more remarkable,
as Mr. BONAR LAW icily observed, for their strength than for their
novelty. At one time it looked as if there was to be a first-class
Irish row. But wiser counsels ultimately prevailed. The House as a
whole was in no mood for protracted discussion in which non-Irish
moonlighters might participate.
At last there is hope that the instructions of the FOOD-CONTROLLER
will have some practical result. To-day in reply to a question Mr.
CLYNES said, "The order about to be issued will contain provisions
..." Ah! if it only will.
* * * * *
[Illustration: EVIDENCE.
_Officer_. "NOW, SERGEANT-MAJOR, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK THIS MAN WAS
DRUNK?"
_Sergeant-Major_. "SIR, ON THE NIGHT OF THE 25TH, WHEN I MET THE
ACCUSED, 'E RAISED 'IS 'AT, ACCOMPANYING THE MOTION WITH THE WORDS,
'GOOD EVENIN', BLUE BEARD!'"]
* * * * *
THE LOST LEADER.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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