The Hillsbury Company of the 2nd Battalion of the Lastshire Volunteers were being inspected for efficiency by a Captain of the Grenadier Guards, who had graciously come down and devoted his Sunday afternoon to this purpose. Forty "A" men had obeyed their country's call and turned up on parade, and among the officers was Alfred Herbert, who was a second-lieutenant of the mature age of fifty. He was enthusiastic, but a slow learner, always confusing himself and his men. Still, he was obviously doing his best, and the men forgave him and did _their_ best to cover up his faults. "Mr. Herbert," said the inspecting officer sharply, "be good enough to take the company out and move them about for a few minutes." Herbert's heart began to beat at the double. He had known that this ordeal might come, but he had hoped against hope that, if he made himself small and meek, he would be overlooked. All was in vain; his time had come. "Drill them as a company of two platoons," said the stern Guardsman. "Yes, Sir," said Herbert. "Shall I--" "Take them out at once, Sir. We have no time to waste." It was at this moment that Herbert's first dream, or I should rather say the first phase of his treble dream, began. He dreamt that he called the company to attention, caused them to slope arms, and moved them to the right in fours. So far so good. Now they were in columns of fours and marching gaily. "This is a good dream," thought Herbert. "I will get them into line. On the right, form company!" he shouted at the top of his voice. He had done it. He had got the rear rank in front, and this is a terrible state of affairs, leading to the most frightful complications--at any rate in the Lastshire Volunteers. "Move to the right in fours!" he commanded; and then the trouble began. In less than half a minute, forty deserving men, including N.C.O.'s, were tied up into a series of terrifically complicated knots, in the midst of which the Company Sergeant-Major bobbed about, an angry cork on a stormy ocean of desperate men. "Very good, Mr. Herbert, oh, very good indeed," said the Inspecting Officer. At this point Herbert passed into his second phase and dreamed that it was all a dream. But the question remained: what was he to do? "Double!" he shouted, and himself gave the example. And as he ran he passed into his third phase and dreamed it was all true; and he woke up with a start at the orderly room, and found that it _was_ true. That very evening he resigned his commission, "owing," as he wrote, "to an incurable habit of getting the rear rank in front." What happened to the men I cannot say with certainty. I think they are still struggling. * * * * * [Illustration: _Physical Exercise Instructor_. "'ERE, YOU! WHAT THE DEUCE ARE YOU LARFING AT?" _Recruit_. "OH, SERGEANT, I--I WAS THINKING WHAT PRICELESS BALLY ASSES WE MUST LOOK!"] * * * * * MEDITATIONS OF MARCUS O'REILLY.