Why not have your revenge by buying one or two of my things? There is a choice pair of cotton socks, marked T.W., that I once got from the laundry by mistake; they are much too large for me, but should fit you nicely. There's a footbath too. It leaks a bit, but your scientific knowledge will enable you to put it right. It's a grand thing to have in the house, in case of a sudden rush of blood to the head. Cheerio! Yours ever, HARRY. Petherton simply replied:-- SIR,--It is, I know, absolutely useless to make an appeal to you, and I shall simply outbid you for the portrait if possible; if not, I shall adopt other measures to prevent your enjoying your ill-mannered triumph. Yours faithfully, F. PETHERTON. The Auction was held last Wednesday. I didn't attend it, but got Miss Gore-Langley to run up the price of the portrait as far as seemed safe, on my behalf, which resulted in Mrs. Petherton getting it for £5 15s. I got the hat, but Mrs. Petherton outbid my agent for the braces. DEAR FREDDY (I wrote), Wasn't it a roaring success--the Auction, I mean? I didn't manage to attend, but have heard glowing accounts from its promoter. The most insignificant things, I hear, went for big prices; one patriotic lady, I'm told, even going to £5 15s. for a faded photograph of a veteran in the clothes of a most uninteresting sartorial period. It was in a cheap wooden frame, of a pattern that is quite out of the movement. Fancy, £5 15s.! Did you buy anything? In haste, Yours, H. If you have any stout safety-pins, lend me a couple, old boy. I failed to secure the braces. They fetched 1s. 9d., which was greatly in excess of their intrinsic value. There has been no reply from Petherton to date. * * * * * JOURNALISTIC CANDOUR. "Mr. Wells has no master in controversy with ordinary mortals, but I would seriously warn him that arguing with the 'Morning Post' leads after a certain point to softening of the brain."--"_Diarist" in "The Westminster Gazette_." We have always taken a painful interest in _The Westminster's_ quarrels with _The Morning Post_. * * * * * "In 1914-15 there was for the first time a surplus of cereals of about 27,475 tons produced in Egypt."--_Times_. For the first time? Shade of JOSEPH! * * * * * "A Young Lady is desirous of CHANGE. Has wholesale and retail military experience. Also knowledge of practical."--_Daily Telegraph_. Now, then, HAIG. * * * * * [Illustration: DOING THEIR BIT.] * * * * * BEASTS ROYAL. I. QUEEN HATSHEPSU'S APE. B.C. 1491.