Note: Project Gutenberg also has an HTML version of this file which includes the original illustrations. See 11359-h.htm or 11359-h.zip: (http://www.ibiblio.org/gutenberg/1/1/3/5/11359/11359-h/11359-h.htm) or (http://www.ibiblio.org/gutenberg/1/1/3/5/11359/11359-h.zip) PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. VOL. 156. FEBRUARY 26, 1919 CHARIVARIA. "GERMANY," says Count RANTZAU, "cannot be treated as a second-rate nation." Not while it is represented by tenth-rate noblemen. *** People are now asking who the General is who has threatened not to write a book about the War? *** On Sunday week, at Tallaght, Co. Dublin, seven men attacked a policeman. The campaign for a brighter Sunday is evidently not wanted in Ireland. *** The United States Government is sending a Commission to investigate industrial conditions in the British Isles. Mr. LLOYD GEORGE, we understand, has courteously offered to try to keep one or two industries going until the Commission arrives. *** "Everything that happened more than a fortnight ago," says Mr. GEORGE BERNARD SHAW in _The Daily News_, "always is forgotten in this land of political trifling." We must draw what comfort we can from the reflection that Mr. SHAW himself happened more than a fortnight ago. *** "Margarine," says an official notice, "can be bought anywhere after to-day." This is not the experience of the man who entered an ironmonger's shop and asked for a couple of feet of it. *** A woman who threatened to murder a neighbour was fined one shilling at Chertsey. We shudder to think what it would have cost her if she had actually carried out her threat. *** A contemporary refers to "those abominable face-masks" now being worn in London. Can this be a revival of the late Mr. RICHARDSON'S campaign against the wearing of whiskers? *** "A Court of Justice is not a place of amusement," said Mr. Justice ROCHE at Manchester Assizes. Mr. Justice DARLING'S rejoinder is eagerly awaited. *** We are informed by "Hints for the Home," that "Salsify may be lifted during the next few days." So may Susan, if you don't watch out. *** So many safes have been stolen from business premises in London that one enterprising man has hit upon the novel idea of putting a notice on his safe, "Not to be Taken Away." *** A sapper of the Royal Engineers who climbed the steeple of a parish church and reached the clock told the local magistrates that he wanted to see the dial. That, of course, is no real excuse in these days of cheap wrist-watches. *** By order of the Local Government Board influenza has been made a notifiable disease. We sincerely hope that this will be a lesson to it. ***