I've performed the "tickle-toe" With its forty steps or so, I have learnt a native dance in Costa Rica; I've fox-trotted in Stranraer, Irish-jigged in Mullingar, And I've danced the Dance of Death at Tanganyika. I have "bostoned" with the best At a ball in Bukharest, I've reversed with Congo pigmies, dark and hairy; I have one-stepped in Sing-Sing And performed the Highland Fling, I have razzled in the reel at Inveraray. I have tangoed in Koran, Danced quadrilles in Ispahan (Though I haven't done the polka in Shiraz yet); But I've followed in the train Of Terpsichore in vain, For I haven't mastered _one_ step of the Jazz yet. * * * * * "THE LEXICOGRAPHER'S EASY CHAIR. "In this column, to decide questions concerning the current use of words, ----'s Dictionary is consulted as arbiter. "'N.H.R.,' Starkville, Miss.--'What is the meaning of the word _Eothen_, and what is its derivation?' "_Eöthen_ is Greek for 'it is used' or 'accustomed,' and is the title of a celebrated work by Alexander Kinglake."--_American Magazine_. We fear that the lexicographer found his easy chair so easy that he did not take the trouble to get out of it to consult the dictionary. * * * * * THE MIDGET. As a result of the competition in cheap miniature two-seater cars we anticipate several interesting developments and take the liberty of extracting the following items from the newspapers of the future:-- FOR SALE.--Small two-seater car, fit gentleman five feet eleven inches in height. Forty-two inches round the chest. Only been worn a few times. Why pay a thousand pounds for a large car when you can get the same result with one of our hundred-pound Midget Cars? Our Midgets are trained to make a noise like a six-seater touring car. We undertake that you shall get the Park Lane feeling at suburban rates. Write for a free sample, enclosing six penny stamps for postage. One great attraction in the Midget Car is that you need not use a rug to throw over its bonnet in cold weather. A tea-cosy will do. WHAT OFFERS?--Advertiser, breaking up his collection, will sell his stud of tame mice, two goldfish and several obsolete silkworms, or would exchange for two-seater Midget with spanner. DEAR SIR.--I have a small two-seater car. It is quite a young one. At what age can I start feeding it on greenstuff? SMITH, MINOR. PERSONAL.--Will the individual who was driving a Midget Car which ran over old gentleman in the Strand be good enough to come forward and pay for the watch-glass which he cracked? BE ECONOMICAL.--Our Midgets only smell the petrol. It costs no more to run a Midget than it does to run an automatic pipe-lighter. _To the Midget Motor Car Company_.